all she does is cry ffs.

Do you know why your ring finger is your ring finger?
Because a vein in that finger connects
to the largest artery in your heart.
A vein in the finger your wedding ring
goes on connects directly to the heart.

seeing you smoke makes me feel so helpless.

and allowing you to when you ask with those eyes,

makes me feel even worse.

yet i don't do anything about it.

not that i don't, but i dont' think i can.

smoking increases the chances of asthma attacks,

could permanently damage your airways,

and blocks the benefits of your medication.

if anything, the next time you want to smoke,

i just want you to remember reading this,

and maybe reconsider lighting that fag.

i regret buying anything related to damage you,

i wish i had stood my ground and never bought them.

but i did, and now i'm a cause too,

i am so so sorry.

i just wish, that at the back of your mind somewhere,

there's a thought to give up smoking to prevent

anything bad happening to you in the future, or now.

i just wish, there was one reason,

enough to encourage you to stop smoking.

whether it be because passive smoking

harms the people around you,

and increases the chances of asthma for them,

and because you know how it feels,

it's enough to stop you smoking.

or whether it is because you could save

so much more without having to buy cigarettes.

i want to give you the determination to.

but i don't want to ask you to stop for me,
because i know it's easier said than done.
and to be honest, i don't think i'm enough
of a reason to give up something
you do when socialising.

and now, i feel like the only way to help you,

is by carrying a pump with me whenever i am with you.

i feel so helpless.

watching you scratch away

at the peeling parts of your cheeks

makes me want to cry.

i know i can't cure eczema,

because we both know that there is no cure,

there are only ways of preventing symptoms.

so i can only watch you become frustrated

at the condition you have been given unfairly.

and because eczema is linked to asthma,

it makes me feel even more helpless.

all i can do, is remind you to take your medicine,

and carry your cream with you.

and i know that you try hard not to smoke around me,

but there are times when you want to so badly,

and watching you like this hurts,

so i have no choice but to allow you.

i can't seem to put it into words, so i just stay quiet.

but i'm scared tim, i'm scared for you.

it took me three years to get you,

and now i have you, i don't want to lose you.

and don't say, "it's fine, everything'll be okay,

i'll be okay."

because we both know,

with the way things are at the moment,

in the end, it won't be okay.

no matter how optimistic either of us are.

so much to say, so little time.

love doesn't hurt,

the absence of it does.

i'm sorry for crying the other day.

i'm sorry there are times i can't be strong.

i'm sorry i can't be as strong as you want me to be.

i'm happy that when i am with you,

you give me your full attention,

and are willing to care for me.

but when i am not, and i call you,

because i have something to say,

there's something about you,

that makes it hard for me to tell you.

like you have no time to speak to me,

and when you do, you're doing something else,

or you're uninterested, or you're falling asleep.

so when you read this,

you might feel apologetic,

and want to make it up to me,
but it could be too late,
because i'll have already confided
in someone else.

you might say it's never too late,
to tell you anything that i want to.
but it could be, that what i was going to tell you
is something i don't want to mention now,
and something i just want to forget now.

i know you have your own life too,
and you have other things to do.
but i just wish, that when i call you
really early in the morning, or really late at night,
you'd realise it's because i have something to say,
and pushing me away means i hold it in.
so when i cry, it's the result.

the ones worth keeping ♥

rajiv:
"it's harder to do than say,
but just ignore the gossip,
cos it ain't really worth your time
and your friends should just trust you.
be the master if it's a school for bitches.
face the music early and you can be rid
of whatever is classified as gossip.
you don't need to hide yourself.
if people ask, just say what you feel is better.

think of it like this, if they're your friends,
they'll drop it and forget it for you.
even if you hadn't got friends at school,
you have all of us, tim and co."

lana:"what's done is done,
you might be like oh shxt,
but there's nothing you can do to change
the fact that you did it.
no matter how much you think about it,
nothing will change, so
why waste your time thinking about it..
even if the whole school is talking about you,
so what?! it's not like they're perfect!
who cares about what they think of you,
if they don't like you or speak badly of you,
they shouldn't matter to you..
you don't need to care about what they think
because they don't mean much :)
and tomorrow, it'll probably turn out fine
because you're thinking about it too much now
so it just seems badder than it really is.

just don't let people who you won't even see
in a year and a half, ever again upset you ennit~
you keep your head high, show them you don't care
and i'm sute they'll stop talking very soon.

well after this, you'll know you your true friends are,
which ones you should keep and which ones
who aren't worth your time :)"

zak:
"everyone does make mistakes..
and to be honest, who wouldn't do it..
it's a bb, shit happens if people
can't be responsible for their things."
roaa:
"i love you so much and i will love you

as always and not even a bit less.

i was angry yeah, not because you did something

like that in a crazy moment but if you told us,

we would take it easy and help you and

stand beside you rather than been shocked.

i trusted you and my trust will stay as it is.

face everyone.

we all do mistakes and i won't judge you

by what you did, i swear.

i love you wai man, don't be sorry to me.

i understand you and i can feel whats inside you.

you're not moving anywhere and we are not

gonna let you. that's the only thing you should know.

fuck her life even if she tol everyone, get their life lost.

you gave it back and don't worry about anything now.

come to school, i wnat to see you on monday, at school."

tim:
"crying lets it out.

so just don't cry too much.

but time heals so just show

that you're still yourself.

what's done is done,

there's no point thinking about it too much,

all you can do is laugh about it.

you gave it back,

and giving it back, is harder

than taking it.

i'm proud of you.

i love you and i really worry for you.

get a good nights sleep yeah.

don't think so much.

in the end, it'll be okay."

tasnia:
"Hey, I don't know how it came across on the phone
but i'm not angry or anything.
but you know me - i get really emotional and stuff.
I just want you to remember that I don't care if your right or wrong -
i'll stand by you no matter what.
your my friend and so it's just default for me to stick up for you.
i only got told today, and i guess
i knew something was up cos you kept leaving school.
please don't run away like this.
i know it's a tough time for you but
i want to be here to help you.
If you need anything just say, i'm here for you.
Love you so much,
Tasnia xxx

hey i'm not judging you.
your the most level headed and kindest person i've met
and i'm not just saying this for the sake of it.
i look up to you - seriously.
and one little thing isn't change that.
i think our friendship is really strong,
so if that's anything to go by - this is nothing.
it's not what you did that made me cry,
it was the fact that you couldn't tell me,
but again i don't blame you cos your having a hard time atm
and if it was me - i'd do the same.
i can't imagine how you feel but trust me - it'll pass.
stay strong and please stay my friend
because i want to stay yours - i don't want to lose you.

everyone does stuff they regret, it's a fact of life,
and everyone deserves a second chance,
but the important thing is that they bounce back -
i'll be your trampoline :) "

♥

2010 sounds like fun.

feels like i haven't blogged in forever.

this week has been hectic and i just haven't felt like it.

so i got found taking the bb,

and now the whole school knows, lovely.

and the thing is, i came back the next day,

after the whole school had found out about it,

because i wanted to stand strong.

i wanted to show people i didn't care what they thought,

but i did care.

marylebone isn't just a school you can go to,

without once being the talk of the school,

and once you are, it pushes you to the point

you want to just get out.

i thought that my friends would understand,

and even without asking for now, they'd back me up.

how wrong i was.

but to be honest, i don't blame them.

i've come to realise, that they aren't even angry i took it.

they're angry because i lied to them and kept it a secret.

if anything, there aren't any secrets between us.

but no matter how many times i tell them,

that at the time, it never occured to me that i could tell them,

it doesn't change anything.

but what's done is done,

and like tim says, all i can do is laugh about it.

happy birthday midge ♥

happy seventeeth birthday midge (:

you're a year older and not a centimtre taller.

but i love you just as much, and not a bit less.

i hope that this year will bring you happiness,

and i hope that you achieve the grades you deserve,

which will bring you to the gates of Imperial,

with that "1 in 3 chance" of marrying him (lol)

i hope that there are more tears of happiness

than pain when it comes to your family.

i hope that they learn to understand you more,

and you to them, forming a closer and happier bond.

may all your dreams and wishes come true.

may you meet more life-long friends that will

always have your back and be there no matter what.

may we always be friends, till we're old and grey,

and we'll look back at all our memories together -

those bad hair days, the days of the "manga guy",

the "lau" and "o'connor" and "julian" days,

and all the times we would've gotten over

because we're always too busy with our talking.

i love you, and i thank you so much,

for always being there for me.

i promise you, i will always be there for you,

you know you can call me anytime, anyday,

because that's what sister's are for.

happy birthday bubz.

♥

it's so funny looking back at these photos,

because you haven't changed one bit,

and i've changed so much since year eight,

but you're still you, and i'm still me.

thank you for keeping me sane -

or looking insane too, so we both look sane.

♥

wmw♥tw

i love how you always know what to say,

i love how you always have the "cool" look;

i love how hearing your voice makes my day,

i love how you can read me like a book.

i love how you hold me in your arms,

i love how you brush your lips with mine;

i love how your beautiful smile is a charm,

i love how your body is just so damn fine.

i love it when you look at me with those eyes,

i love it when you lace your fingers with mine;

i love it when you say things that make me shy,

i love it when you hug me from behind.

i love everything about you.

i love all that you do.

i love how you love me,

and i love that i love you.

♥

college = hectic.

time to get fit!

stephen's signed me up along with hong,

and some other people to do a charity run

in hyde park on the 14th of april woo!

my god i need to start training lol!

my god it's mock week!
and i'm doing last minute revision,
like the night - no wait, the period before the exam.
god, that's a bang on fail, oh well.
recently, i really cannot be bothered.

but then i have to keep saying to myself,
i have a long future ahead of me,
stop doing what you can to screw up.

allow, some girl's accusing me of stealing

her friend's blackberry.

argh, makes me wanna say,

no evidence so can't prosecute me bxtch.

i need to pee!

but i don't wanna leave my duvet..

stole tim's jumper mmm♥

insecurefreak.

wai man law! why are you being so clingy?!

where has your independence gone?

stop calling him at every minute of the day,

and get your eyes on those revision books!

why am i being so over-protective anyway?

it's like, deep down, i'm scared to lose you.

but, why am i so afraid?

i'm confusing myself.

whenever i'm with you, i'm confused about everything.

i don't know why my tummy flutters,

i don't know why my heart cartwheels,

and i don't know why i feel like i'll break without you.

recently, i've been getting angry over nothing too.

like, when i came back from holland,

we hardly spoke and you said you missed me,

and i missed you a lot too.

so i kept thinking, "if you missed me,

then why won't you give me the time of day?"

but then i think, why am i being so CLINGY?

it's getting ridiculous.

i'm annoying myself.

is it possible to like and need someone this much?

you just need to learn to trust.

stop over-analysing everything,

and just be yourself.

but as much as i say that to myself,

i'm still scared inside.

i'm scared that if i put everything in,

and lose anything for you,

that you'll leave in the end.

and it wasn't worth it in the end,

because at the end of the day,

you like him a lot more than he does,

so you'd be willing to give everything.

the perfect stranger ♥

my god, i gained so much weight in holland!

all those waffles and muffins and homemade stuff!

was delicious i must say - especially that buffet lol!

but now i need to get back to toning up, alloow.

it's funny how everyone's blogs are all about one guy.

even the people you wouldn't expect to,

would secretly be admiring someone (:

when i started speaking to tim again back in september,

i dug through some old boxes to look for that diary.

the one i wrote when i was alone in london,

and i had nothing but my computer to comfort me.

when i found it, reading through the things i wrote,

actually made me laugh, and at some points, cry lol.

i laughed at the pages where i talked about tim,

and how much i liked him but he didn't like me.

and i cried at the pages where i could see myself,

three years ago, as a lonely child who didn't know

how to say how she felt, and resorted to things

that could have been avoided.

it never occured to me that i was that lonely.

and it never hit me, that what i wrote three years ago,

about my love for this guy who i called a player,

would come back to me three years later,

a coincidence, or fate?

i know you'd say it's a coincidence, mr wong;

but i'd say its fate.

we were destined to be together (:

but, it's a coincidence, that you came into my life,

at the times where i needed someone the most,

and the times where i felt the loneliest.

thank you.

looks like you were the knight in shining foil after all.

♥

the law family is too cool!♥

me and chantel decided to 'spice' up the wall

along the staircase with photos as a collage!

it actually looks quite good ;D

but we ran out of bluetac so until we get more,

that's enough for now (:

♥

gar yow ley gor sey yun tow.

it feels like i'm the only one making the effort.

it's like, if i don't text or call first,

we won't end up talking throughout the day.

if i don't ask to meet up, or if i don't go to yours,

then we won't see each other..

it shouldn't matter 'cause its our relationship,

but it's starting to feel like

you will never give me the time of day,

and it makes me question if i have a place in your heart?

ooo, a change?

spent the day procrastinating and any reason

not to revise was welcome!

woke up early intending on revising though,

and then i decided to "check my email"

which lead to facebook etc etc..

dyed my hair too!

it's reddish brown?

it's alright, a more natural change

according to the mum lol!

but i miss my ginger :(

and omg, i swear my hair's grown!

like, over the course of 4 days in holland!
before:

after:

♥

back in town ;D

so now i'm back in london and holland was..

not as amazing as it could have been i guess!

nevertheless, it was still fun and i got some time away,

to visit family and spend time with them, which was nice.

and now i'm just trying to find any reason

to procrastinate and avoid revision, oh dear.

god help me when next week comes.

isn't my bed hair just the finest?

♥

stupid stupid easyjet!

allow being ill on a trip!

and allow easyjet and the stupid delays.

i officially hate flying.

okay, well for now.

just, lol.

♥

hothothotttt feverrrr.

stop thinking about the past.

everything that's happened, has happened already.

there's no point bringing it back up again, is there?

what matters is the present and the future.

so you stupid mug,

stop thinking about stupid things.

and getting jealous over something stupid.

or getting angry over stupid people

who did stupid things to you.

because you were stupid for letting it happen

and for being so stupidly gullible and naive.

get over it.

now go and have a lovely warm shower,

and a lovely night's sleep to cure this stupid fever,

otherwise you'll be hating holland even more.

CHAA-NEEEESEEE. fail.

GUESS WHO GOT AN A* IN THEIR MATHS ASSIGNMENT!

i know it might not seem that amazing to you,

it's not even full marks lol.

and i'm chinese and all,

but that's an improvement and an achievement for me!

because recently, no wait, ever since october,

i've been flopping maths un-coolly.

but this has officially made my day :D

got so happy i called mum in the lesson!

she wasn't as impressed as i had imagined.

oh wells.

i was so proud 'cause i'd done it all myself!

although i'd had a moment when i'd thought

that tim had helped me with like, all of it.

but i realised that was my other homework,

and tim had only helped me with a question!

♥

i want my february 14th back! :(

i just realised, i don't hate valentine's!

now i wish we had a proper february 14th :(

oh well, i guess there's always next year!

i'd decided last weekend my outfit,

and my hair and everything,

but half way through the week,

i let kate convince me that valentine's

was pointless and not worth celebrating.

allooow, i want my valentine's back!

i want that candlelight dinner.

i want the excitement of choosing my outfit.i want the exchange of presents.
i want to spend the night on your couch

with take-out and smiley faces,

wrapped up in a blanket with you,

with the movie playing in the background,

as i gaze into your beautiful eyes.

i want it to be just you and me -

no parents, no friends, just me and you.

I DEMAND TO HAVE MY VALENTINE'S BACK!

please rewind time, amen!

♥

19 hours till i fly!

really don't want to go to holland anymore!

four days of cheesy dutchland,

and eighty-four hours of no you :(

♥

MID-TERM BREAK WOOO♥

haven't blogged this whole week because i've been so busy!

been getting back to aunt's super late every single day.

monday, i went out to dimsum mum, karman and nan.

tuesday, i left after lunch and went to hemel.

wednesday, it was mine and tim's one month!

we forgot to take photobooth pictures, allow! :(

thursday i went out till late with tim, norman and kit.

and friday, i stayed over at tim's in hemel (:

my god, i had the worst saturday morning ever.

didn't sleep till 2 something in the morning,

because we got home late after hanging out.

got back to hemel and we were gonna eat

my favourite simley faces and cod!

but i conked out completely on the couch lol.

woke up at 6:30am and went upstairs to sleep with tim.

THANKS FOR LEAVING ME DOWNSTAIRS!

lols, it was actually quite funny.

i woke up and the first thing i thought of was,

"aww, allow i didn't get to eat the smiley faces!"

and didn't think to check the kitchen.

woke up at like 9am, and had to leave to meet alvin.

i didn't shower. i didn't get to wash my super greasy hair.

i didn't get to put make up on either.

and oh. my. fxcking. god.

i had the world's biggest zit above my lip!

was trying to pop it in the car and tim was just laughing!

alvin left early though 'cause michelle started crying,

feels like it might be 'cause i said something though..

but as much as i'm racking my brains, i don't remember

saying anything that would offend her?

maybe i'm just thinking too much.

slept at 11pm last night and woke up 13 hours later (;

MY GOD, THAT WAS THE BEST SLEEP THIS WEEK!

my parents spent all morning taking the piss 'cause apparently,

last night i was snoring away like there's no tomorrow lol.

mum was worried that i hadn't been sleeping recently,

'cause i'm growing zits and i slept for looooong.

and dad.. he just laughed at my snoring lol.

♥