walk away♪

today, i am here and you're not.

this was your choice, not mine.

one day, i'm going to be more amazing than you think.

one day, i'll do something you wish you could do.

this afternoon, i just laid on top of my duvet,

with endless stuffed toys around me,

and i just sunk into a deep train of thought

for about an hour -

a waste of time, i know.

it's scary how the people you think will forever stand by you,

ends up being the ones that can hurt you the most.

and its even scarier, how the things you do,

and the things you say, can make such a big impact,

and half the time, we want to take those things back.

for the first time in my sixteen years,

i really regret doing something i did.

i have done so much more in the past,

but i made a mistake, that changed everything.

i've always said, i'd rather have a few friends

who are actually trustworthy and worth keeping,

than have a crowd of people who can backstab you any minute.

and actually, i was so oblivious to the fact that,

the whole time.. i was in a group like that.

but only now, do i realise how lonely i am.

i could call any of them up at 4am,

and they'd have no choice but to keep me company,

"because i said so."

and they'd have to agree with me,

because they know that i know too much about them.

even if they were fake, they were still people.

people who agreed with me, people who followed me.

they gave me a sense of control in this world,

everything went according to my plan in life.

i was popular, i was rich, everything was perfect.

but being rich and popular doesn't mean

you have the whole world in your hands after all.

it doesn't buy you true friends.

it doesn't buy your true friends back either.

we were best friends for five years.

i brought you out into the world,

don't you ever forget that.

how can you just leave..

you just can't.

when i do something i'm unsure of,

i just want someone to be on the other end of the cord,

telling me that what i did was right.

and that all the lies, and immaturity and gossip,

was worth everything i have now.

but right now, even i can't reassure myself,

so how can anyone else?

i wish i had the courage right now,

to tell show each and every one of you,

that one day, you'll regret having walked out on me.

♥

iphoneeeee COME BACK! ♥

sometimes, people walk away,

just to see who will follow.

was so close to getting an iphone today! :(

but then i had to rearrange my priorities -

and this summer comes first.

mum was gonna pay the contract,

and i was gonna pay for the phone..

WHY DID I SUGGEST THAT?! :(

and apparently, mum's getting it for my birthday,

but lets not get happy 'cause we all know,

my mum's promises are empty.

and she's got chantel's birthday to worry about first.

apparently, she's getting her a laptop -

is it gonna happen? place yo' bets munchkins.

feels so nice after you've shaved haha~

fished out this personal organiser thing

i got back in the day when i joined hsbc,

and started putting everyone's phone numbers in it.

took me like forever.

dad better not end up resetting it

cos i'm gonna go ballistic.

stomach won't stop cramping omg.

so painful! and i refuse to take any more anadin.

gotta wake up early and finishing the tiny bit

of psychology that's left, and then start and finish eco!

and theeeen, i gotta finish chemistry -

in less than a day.

oh. my. fuck.

wish i looked like her, anyday.

♥

summer '10 better be good♥

"the more you want to keep them in,

the more they'll want to get out."

should really go and sleep but procrastinating is fun.

and i'm sitting here, reblogging photos of girls

who have the most perfect bodies! a body i'll never have! :(

oh yeah, forgot to tell you. i was telling mum about my plans

for summer this year and things to do before year 13.

there's like, a dozen boat parties and beach events

as well as malaysia and hong kong - which is going to be fuuun!

i can't wait for summer 2010!

she said something to me, i wasn't really listening

and i didn't really take it to heart, but apparently i should.

"the old wai man is back, and to be honest, i'm not happy to see her."

LOL, gossip girl much, mum?

well, to be brutally honest,

i don't actually give a fxck after exams.

because i know i'll have tried my best.

and i deserve the summer i want.

don't say, "she's your mum, she just cares about you."

because you don't know my mum well enough,

to know that she cares more about her reputation.

so, mum? bring on those curfews and cuffs

because your daughter will do exactly

what you don't want her to do.

♥

if only i was naturally skinny! >:(

Sometimes people walk away,

just to see who cares enough to follow.

i've come to realise that summer's edging closer and closer.

so money problems and losing-weight-fast problems

have also hit me!

i've been eating twice as much as i usually eat,

and sean's been scaring me about being pregnant.

lets pray he didn't just jinx me.

need to lose weight fast!

might start jogging again, otherwise,

might have to consider those diet pills

yobi and auntie amy introduced.

they're supposed to be good -

like, you don't starve yourself,

you eat just as much, or less and

it just shrinks your tummy and makes

you eat less so you lose weight.

why didn't god give me a figure or curves?!

seeing as we're on this topic,

why didn't he give me natural beauty? :(

♥

just the thought of it scares me.

“Oh shut up.

Every time it rains, it stops raining. Every time you hurt, you heal.

After darkness, there is always light and you get reminded of this

every morning but still you choose to believe that the night will last forever.

Nothing lasts forever. Not the good or the bad.

So you might as well smile while you’re here.”

how pessimistic! :(

i'd like to think that we'll last forever.

my boyfriend, and my best friends.

i'm sorry if i've been a bxtch to you recently, tas and roaa.

and i honestly don't know how to put my feelings as of now,

into words that can make you understand.

i don't want to go to university because my parents

have worked for my future and because they want me to.

i don't want to have to spend over three years

in a completely different environment without you two.

maybe just the thought of having to separate from you,

is just too scary at the moment.

and every time i try to be myself, and to just live in the moment.

the thoughts about the future and my future comes back

to haunt me sooner or later from the words that come from my mum.

i agree that coming up here every now and then is relaxing.

and i'd like to keep it that way before i explode.

back the fxck off, mum.

i wish we could stay this age forever.

everything would just be so perfect.

♥