FUTURE, COME TO ME! ..please?

why do i always have to make decisions last?

why do i never know where to go - in life?

i never know what i want to do, or what i want.

tasnia knows for definite that she wants

to do medicine or biochemistry,

and she's set on imperial and oxford.

she's decided this since she started secondary.

i wish i was this focused and ambitious, so jealous.

i hate not knowing what to do,

yet i put myself in this position every single time.

i always have to make the wrong decision,

to know which decision was worth making.

i always end up breaking my own heart,

to realise his heart was worth breaking.

i always have to make a mistake,

to know which friends are worth keeping.

i chose the subjects i chose at gcse,

because i wanted to be the perfect child.

i hated them and only loved graphics,

which was the only subject i'd chosen.

you'd think i would've learnt

to listen to myself when it came to a levels.

but i didn't even know what i wanted to be,

or what i wanted to do in the future.

and now i'm enduring 3 more months,

and another year of the same stupid subjects

which i have no interest in.

ooh, that was smart, wai man.

i broke person A's heart when he confessed his feelings

because i didn't want to break person B's heart.

but i ended up breaking my heart too, because

deep down, everyone knew i wanted person A.

i argued with my parents over my friends.

only to be proven that they weren't my friends.

i know no one is perfect,

but why am i so imperfect?

and for every time i make a mistake,
all i seem to do,

is cry.

♥