Tuesday 27 October 2009

fxckface.

In the end, we only regret the chances we didn't take.
The relationships we were scared to have and the decisions we waited too long to make.
There comes a time in your life when you realise who matters, who doesn't, who never did and who always will.

Throw unwanted looks and unpleasant words at people as they cross your "turf."
Smoke packets of tar a day to make yourself seem big and intimidating.
Down as many shots as you are challenged until your liver no longer functions.
What do you achieve?

It's actually quite hilarious when you realise how many people are actually interested in your business.
Surely they could be using their time more effectively rather than making hate groups and spending every minute and hour of the day bxtching about someone they refuse to believe they are jealous of? By talking about them behind their backs, regardless of your relationship with them, just goes to show that you are afraid to confront them and tell them face to face. I'm sure the majority of us would say "I'd rather you say that to my face" but would you really? If I told you, you look dead without the use of cosmetics, would you rather not have heard that from me even if we have been best friends since primary? The truth may hurt, but it definitely doesn't hurt more than finding out from someone else.

If you want to be a part of this world, people will talk.

There will always be people who will promise you they will "keep your secrets" but "it should be okay to tell my friend cause she won't tell anyone." There will always be the people who will scrutinize and pitch hateful looks at your presence as they scan your appearance 360degrees. There will always be people who will smile and hug you but you know it's fake because the next time you turn around, you can hear whispers and glances in your direction.  There will always be people who will be friends with you temporarily until they find a new cliche. There will always be people who you find yourself loving and trusting and when they hear things they don't want to hear, they will leave.

If you make a promise, you promise to keep it.
If you like someone, you show it.
If you dislike someone, you let them know.
No one likes a fake.

People have and will walk in and out of your life.
But only the ones that you truly cared for, the ones you truly trusted, and the ones that you truly loved will leave footprints in your delicate heart and mind. Even if you no longer like him or her and even if you regret trusting them, those footprints will re-surface, and the memories will invade your vision.

I hate regret. I hate you. Only when our ties are broken, you show who you really are, and I hate it. I hate myself for not realising this earlier at our first break up. I used to always think, you will always be the "good" person in our relationship. You will never be the person to make the wrong move because you loved me, and everytime I did something wrong, I used to blame myself for being such a bxtch. But actually, it was you who made me the person I didn't want to be. Before you left this summer, you actually showed me the person you really were. You would make me cry with the most hateful methods because you think I look cute. You say I'm insensitive and that I will always remember you, even if I date another - even after that, you thought so? You would be harsh and cold, even at times when I needed your warmth and comfort where I was unstable - both physically and mentally. You say that you will always be the most important person to me, for what? You say that I am incapable of living without you. Yet you leave me in the most broken state, and return with only material gifts to "make up for everything you've done." You return with a debt that only I can pay off for you because you never know how to save. You return with broken ties with people around you that only I can comfort you for. If only you realised that everything you say is wrong.

You are and always will be as childish as you appear. You will say one thing and if I ever bring it up, you will remain in denial. You want to feel powerful by telling everyone your side of the story until everyone "supports" you and develops a hatred towards me. You try and hold onto what is and isn't there by handing me "back" gifts that shouldn't be taken. You indirectly threaten me with the knowledge of knowing about my past and when you feel the fear that I experience when confronting a new relationship, you will feel powerful.

But I can tell you, I don't care what you do and don't know, I don't care if you tell everyone everything that happened between us. You can lurk in the shadows and follow me until you are content because I am going to live everyday a hundred times happier than when I was with you. You can blackmail me with anything and everything you have cursed me with, but I will face the consequences because the people who don't let that affect our relationship will deserve my love. You can get as many "people" on your side of the story as you want, but I won't feel intimidated because I am gonna walk past you and your posse with confidence that overwrites yours. And when you look, you'll have told the world what a fxckface you are. 

You have always been this selfish and you have never understood the meaning of "promise." You have always promised me you would keep my privacy, but you would tell people because they were my friends. A promise is a promise. It excludes everyone, and includes only you and I. For the people who listen to both sides, it's your choice. But if you were the ones who left when you felt his sympathy for him, you just prove me one hundred percent correct when I say our friendship was never there.

Monday 26 October 2009

SANTA, I KNOW YOU'RE THERE! :D

"we should get jerseys;
cause we make a good team.
but yours would look better than mine;
cause you're outta my league."

How do you hide something that shouldn't be there? For those who know me, you'll have witnessed my countless failures, and for those who don't know me, I can guarantee that I am the worst liar you will ever meet in the many years of your life lols. I NEED LESSONS - and quick! ;________;
Putting all that aside, my tummy still really hurts, and I feel really tired and weak and hungry :| I've already been ill for so many days. It's so unfair! Everyone can go out wearing like, a tshirt in summer, and I'll wake up the next morning with some fat flu which means I'm just spending a few more days of my summer in bed - again. I hope I'm not ill again this Christmas, I refuse to have my Christmas dinner in bed whilst everyone is opening their presents in the living room with everyone else, hmpf. That's been like, the past three Christmas's already!
You know, sometimes, I think Santa Claus still exists :D Now you're probably thinking I'm a complete wacko. But seriously. As my 5 year old sister told me she was sending letters to Santa, I felt obliged to have to write a letter for her in return but from "Santa." Then I was left to ponder about his existence. You non-believers can be a Grinch and ruin Christmas if you want, but my Christmas is and will never be ruined and I think Santa is real because I definitely saw him when I was young! :D So as long as I hold that belief, I'll continue to think that he exists, and he's the one passing out presents every year on the night of Christmas Eve!
I love Christmas! It's actually the best time of the year - even better than my birthday, and pancake day, and easter ;D Because those kind of events don't involve everyone. Like, my birthday is about me, and pancake day and easter are only for Christians right? Although I do love the idea of chocolate and pancakes - yum! ^^ But at Christmas, even my friends of all different races and religion become involved and everything is so happy and jolly! Everyone gives and receives, and there are smiles and sounds of laughter and carols everywhere~ For parents, it may not be the best time of the year, as they have to spend, spend, spend! But even if we weren't as rich or as well-off as we are now, we would still find ways to make Christmas enjoyable because happiness doesn't require money :)

Dear Santa
If you give Christmas wishes early, I hope my sisters will always brighten the day with their enthusiasm, and my parents to know that I am thankful for their love and care, and give me the courage to love again because I will wait as long as I need to. Thank you!
Love, wm.

Monday 19 October 2009

lol.

you know what, one day, i'm gonna look back at this and think:






what an idiot.
and all i'll do is lol.

Sunday 18 October 2009

you don't deserve to have a title.

Behind every beautiful girl, there's a dumbass guy,
who did her wrong, and made her strong.

I am so glad that we are no longer together.
You stopped me from being the person I was,
and sculptured me into the ideal girlfriend that you wanted.
But because of your actions that lead to my mistakes,
I've become the person I was, and will always be.
Whether it be the person who rebels with everything she's got cos she feels like it,
or the person who parties and looks like a complete nuthead the next morning,
or the person who dresses like a complete tramp and blames it on laundry,
because guess what, dxckhead?
That's the me you tried to pack away

progression.


"somewhere between our laughs, long talks, stupid little fights, and all our jokes, i fell in love with you."
"she was looking for love, he was looking for fun, yeah boys and mascara always run."
You can say I move on quick, and I fall in love even faster.
But I fell out of love for many many months,
and all that was left was lust and the need for his company.
So i moved on.
So before you judge me for who I am by my emotions,
look me in the eye, and tell me no one has ever caught your eye before,
and without realising it, you might have just fallen into love too.

i'm scared.

I'm scared I won't pass my AS to get into A2.
I'm scared that you'll leave when you find out.
I'm scared I'll choose the wrong path.
I'm scared I won't have a plan to fall back on. 
I'm scared to face the future alone - as an adult.
I'm scared to make the wrong choices.
I need someone to guide me in the right direction,
Not someone who will live the perfect life for me,
But not someone who will make mistakes I will learn from.
I need you.


Saturday 17 October 2009

empty.

Maybe we're friends,
Maybe we're more,
Maybe it's just my imagination,
But I see you stare just a little too long,
And it makes me start to wonder,
So baby call me crazy,
But I think you feel it too,
Maybe I, Maybe I,
Just got to get next to you; ♥

I have a lot of work, and I know that. But I just can't seem to put my mind to it :/

Friday 16 October 2009

failure!

So technically, this week has been the most eventful week so far since year 12 started~
Including the bang-on fail in chemistry.

What happened to the guy who was my friend? Fxck knows.
After I completely flopped chemistry, I wanted to break down so badly.

Mum is still a tad edgy with me, and home doesn't feel as homely as it once was.
I even have spots on my forehead now, allow.
With everything down my throat, I can barely keep food down.
I have so much work.
Looks like this weekend is just exercise and work then!