wake up singing bieber baby ♥

eenie meenie miney moe

catch a bad chick by her toe

if she holla let her go

half term started today..

church finished earlier than we thought,

so i invited tasnia to cmoe along with us

to eat at the chinese buffet in park royal!

it was so funny 'cause mum took off a seat in the car,

and we needed all the seats so i sat on top of the bags

at the back with tasnia lol!

i miss you already.

wish i could see you sooner.

worked for half the night,

it was hardly busy whch -

unfortunately for me,

also means i get paid less lol.

spoke to norman and we were asking each other

questions so we knew each other better.

and he scared me when he said

"i sold my soul to the devil" homigod.

paranormal activity. stfu. stfu.

but apparently he meant as in bad habits?

diew man.

i hate feeling insecure, and doubting your love.

i'm sorry.

♥

day in with the boyfriend♥

nobody really ever knows how much anybody else is hurting. 

we could be standing next to somebody, 

who is completely broken, and we wouldn’t even know.

didn't go to school today, went up to hemel.

allow the holiday starts tomorrow!

which means no london for 19 days :(

i cooked udon for tim today!
had no MSG so just mixed it with soya sauce lols.
tim gave me 6 and a half out of 10,
and apparently 7 is a pass,
so i basically failed.
oh wells~! i'll surprise you with my skills soon ;D

he's sleeping upstairs at the moment.
was looking through the stuff on his computer..
sey ham sup low!

and then i read through some old chat logs.
some made me wanna slap him,
and some just made me laugh.
i remember tasnia copying and pasting
the conversation between her and tim
whilst i was on the phone to her lol.
and he said i was "getting on his nerves" EHH.

got home around 9pm, didn't wanna leave.
it's the easter holidays tomorrow!
which means i won't see him for ages.
:(

♥

走開!

side by side,

hand in hand,

heart to heart,

forever.

♥

i feel like there's something at the back of my mind.

that's constantly pulling my smile upside down.

like there's nothing i can do about it,

but it's just there.

and it won't leave me alone.

go away.

><

hello conjuntivitus, leave me alone.

goodbye make up, hello conjuntivitus :(

my eyes are so red and itchy!

i couldn't even wear make up today, allow.

and i just kept itching them like, 24/7!

skullcandy!

♥

hey now, you're all star; ♥

your world is my world.

my fight is your fight.

my breath is your breath.

and your heart

♥

why are there so many unkind people out there?

i know i'm not really in the position to say this,

seeing as i am a bxtchandahalf myself;

but to me, it seems like there are more people out there,

to put you down, rather than making you smile.

two free periods today 'cause outward bound has started!

which means that zak's gone for the week too.

so i went shopping with roaa and had a little girl time,

which was niceee.

missed it ♥

found the cutest dress ever from miss selfridge

on the sales rack in debenhams!

perfect for roaa, 'cause it was the perfect size six

and reduced from £40 to £7

for her birthday party in three weeks!

i hope i can get out of norfolk

and go to her birthday party,

going to really try hard with revision too!

saw tim today before and after dimsum!

it was like, the shortest amount of time

we have ever spent together as a couple,

but i guess it's better than not seeing him at all..

i really miss him.

even though it was like, less than 24 hours

since i had last seen him!

omg, how can a three year old cry and say

she's in love with justin bieber?!

that's super scary.

why can't you leave me alone?

go away. go away.

i hate school.

i'd love to say i can't wait for the easter either!

but actually, i'd rather spend three weeks at school

then three weeks in norfolk with no friends,

nothing to do, and no boyfriend :(

♥

i can be your superhero baby♥

i'll be watching for your light in the sky,

to tell me you're scared;

and you need me there,

and you don't have to run and hide.

'cause that's when I fly right in,

and you can take my hand.

i love that you know me so well,

even though you say that you can't

understand me unless i tell you.

i love that you just need to hear my voice,

to know that something is up.

i love that you always let me know,

that i am not alone, and that you are there.

i love you.

♥

new haircuttt!

2010年3月28日

it's so short!

but it's nice for a change (:

and if he likes it, then i like it.

and if i like it, i'll love it.

it's always the first day phobia lol!

thank you low gong BB!♥

how sundays should be ♥

when i dream, i think of you.

breathe, i think of you.

all day i think of you.

give all my love to you my baby boo.

swear its true all i do is think of you.

got a haircut at alvin's salon today!

it was fun 'cause tim was there too,

and we were just being.. us lols.

i love it.

'cause we don't have to try to be the couple

that makes everyone go "aww" ^^

thank you for the haircut baby ♥

skipped out on dim sum with tim's family,

and decided to go up to hemel for a day in

with the boyfriend.

went to tescos and bought food to cook!

i was supposed to be cooking for him,

but it turned out, that he did the cooking,

and i did the washing lols, oh wells -

i'm not complaining!

got home around 8:30pm,

so that's not too bad (:

allow time going forward an hour.

i'm so tired now.

stayed up making the tshirt!

and it was such a fail :(

need to practice before making tim's!

my eyes are so itchy,

i don't think i should wear make up for a few days.

it's been like that since yesterday but i wore make up today.

bad idea? definitely.

allow school tomorrow, three more days!

and then its 19 days of revision and working,

until i have just about enough to go to hong kong lol!

stressing out about hotels, diew man.

spent the whole weekend researching.

my ex boyfriend met up with karman

to give her a whole bag of 'my stuff back.'

i guess this means that he's moved on now,

thank the lord.

but as i looked through the stuff,

i found something that i didn't want

to see or be reminded of again.

i hate thinking that i was responsible

for taking away his/her's life.

i hate knowing that i love children

yet i was able to bring myself to do that.

i hate being reminded that i was only fifteen.

i hate knowing that i've just affected

my future with you.

i hate it. i hate it. i hate it.

everyone gets a second chance.

i wish i got a second chance.

i wish it never happened.

i wish i got my summer back.

i wish i wasn't so scared.

i wish i'd left and came to you.

♥

a fail of a tshirt lol♥

♥

gone for 2 weekends and oh look.

check out the laundry and the post i get

after not being home for two weekends!

i feel special.

♥

thank god for the weekend! ♥

"you are not your past.

it’s just one piece of you,

it’s not everything."

dr. andy yublonsk

chantel came running in even though

i'd set my alarm on time for running today.

feels so good after running.

chantel thinks she's lost like

a million pounds from a 15 minute jog lol.

natalie and yobi were in this little argument

on yobi's facebook status and i was tagged,

so i commented and i just said one thing,

but i said i wasn't going to get involved.

and then matt - natalie's boyfriend,

facebooked messaged me about it.

diew man.

i said i wasn't gonna be involved.

but he surprised me, he's a nice guy.

he's a lot friendlier than i had thought,

and he turns everything into something positive.

even if it looks like we're about to argue

or i'm about to get vexed, he'll make it smooth.

which is a good thing, seeing as i have a short temper.

which makes me laugh,

'cause tim has a super short temper too haha.

going to spend the whole day watching

hi my sweetheart - homigod, it's amazing!

tim hasn't called or texted

since last night when i was working.

speaking of which,

my mum is actually taking the piss.

i may be your daughter,

but there's no such thing as free labour. lol.

i really miss you,

wish you were here.

:(

♥

the most amazing microwaveable

chicken panini, ever.

♥

harvesterrrrrs♥

went up to hemel yesterday,

and ate at harvesters for jiv's birthday! (:

happy birthday rajiv!

may all your dreams and wishes come true!

harvesters was nice and soo filling omg!

the unlimited salad before the main meal

had already filled up my tummy

before the meal even came lols.

didn't get home until 11:30pm,

when i was supposed to be home at like 10.

and it's funny.. 'cause i was freaking out

for like half an hour when tim was on the

first round driving everyone back.

and then afterwards, i was just like

faaack it, i'm late anyway.

lol.

had a talk with tim on the journey back to london.

opened up completely about things that happened..

i'm sorry it took me two months ><

i wish we hadn't lost contact back in the day,

but that's the past.

and what's happened has happened..

and what's important now,

is the present and our future together.

i'm so happy with you now.

i have never ever liked anyone as much

as i like you.. i love you.

i love our journeys in your car,

with kiss100 playing ke$ha,

i wish i never had to get out the car.

i love kissing you,

even if people are watching.

i love cuddling up with you,

and watching gossip girl.

i love the way you try to hide your smile,

but you end up smiling anyway,

and i love that look in your eyes,
the way it's like it's telling me that

the only person you see, is me.

♥

along the lines of.. i love you? ♥

"hey tim! how have you been?

just thought i'd send a text to see

how things have been with you..

and i know it's kind of awkward to say,

because i'm with chris,

and you're with charlotte at the moment,

and have been for like 6 months now..

but, i think i might still like you?
a lot of stuff has been happening,
and the only person i seem to want to talk to,
is you, which is strange i knowww.
but i don't care about anyone else at the moment,
i only want you.

i'm not telling you to break up with charlotte
and be with me lols she's a nice girl.

i just thought i should tell you,

because if someone liked me,

i'd want them to tell me (:
and actually.. i think i'm going to wait.
i want to wait for you to give me a chance.

i've just made things super awkward,

but it's okay cos we hardly talk now.

well i mean, that's not okay, but what can i do lols

i have so much to tell you!

but for now, take care!"

oh my god.

if i had sent that,

i really hope to god,

tasnia would've slapped me.

♥

she's the one that got awayyyy.

i could tell you his favorite color's green
he loves to argue, born on the seventeenth
his sister's beautiful, he has his father’s eyes
and if you asked me if i love him,
i’d lie
i remember at the beginning of january,

when you started telling me about your feelings..

you tried to laugh it off lightly by saying

"you know what i tell my friends now..

you're the one who got away. haha.."

but as you said those words,

i feel like it was full of pain and sadness.

i feel like while you were saying that,

you were trying to stop yourself from crying.

like it pained you to say them,

but you still said it anyway..

i remember, the next day,
i came into school and i was so confused.
i didn't know how to feel, what to say,
and what to do.
i didn't want to do something
that i'd regret and something that would change
everything in both our lives.

before, whenever someone asked me,
if i still remembered my first love, tim wong,
and if i remember how i said i loved him,
and if i knew what i was doing back in the day.
i'd lie and say i hardly remember him,
and i don't like him and never did anyway,
and i was young so i was just messing around.

then there were the ones i couldn't cover up.
if i remembered how i'd told everyone,
you were the one i was going to marry.
and how we were dating when you were at marylebone,
and how i drew pictures of our wedding,
and how i made collages of your printscreens,
and how i even printed off a photo of you
and kept it on the front of my school diary,
covered in love hearts.

i could lie to everyone else,
but i couldn't lie to myself after all.

and what made me laugh,
was that tasnia saw right through me.
and rania said, "you only hate him
'cause he rejected you in year nine."
and tasnia told me,
i should never lie to myself.

because right after i lied to everyone,
i'd look through my inbox,
and the messages that you sent me
were still there.
then i'd flip to my drafts,
and contemplate over the send button,
for the text that i never did send.

and it's funny how i still remember
what i wanted to say.

and all those times,
i wrote about how i felt about you,
and sent it to you,
and claimed it was an "accident",
and i was supposed to send it to "tasnia"
"'cause your name was just under hers.."
i lied.

i wanted to be in your life again.
i didn't like how i'd just been forgotten.

i remember that someone used to
always remind me that,
"if you're going to love someone,
you have to have the determination
to face rejection.
but if your love is returned,
you have to be prepared to fight for it.
love is a battlefield.
and only true love survives."

♥

"life's a bxtchass" yup joshim, it is..

one word turns into a war

why is it the smallest things that tear us down

my world's nothing when you're gone

i'm out here without a shield - can't go back, now

my unlimited texts have officially run out.

i haven't texted or spoken to jasey in forever.

and i can't even text tim with random updates -

even if he doesn't reply.

he texted me yesterday during psychology,

and i didn't have any credit so i hadn't been texting.

as i opened his text.. three words, eight letters.

i couldn't stop smiling and i even jumped up!

homigod, embarrassiiiiiing.

need to do stupid maths homework -

mixed exercise of twenty-four questions. fxck.

i haven't even done my statistics mock yet.

but everyone's told me what year the paper is lol.

january 2009 ;D

i forgot to upload the photos of last saturday -

not the saturday that just past, the saturday before.

where i just woke up super late,

and bummed around all morning,

eating chantel's homemade chicken salad,

and mummy's homebaked chocolate muffins.

mmm♥

i'll do that when i get home,

but for now, looks like i need to get back to work -

'cause chemistry is after lunch,

and i haven't done the homework.

wtfux is wrong with me? lol.

meeting up with ken on thursday i think.

my god i haven't seen him in foreverrr!

but i'm super tired, and i actually cannot be arsed

to do anything today or this week in general.

today i had to literally drag myself out of bed.

and just like tuesday morning, i was refraining

from calling mum to come down and pick me up.

seriously, i need to bump up my attendance.

and yesterday, when tim called at lunch,

and i said i wanted to leave,

and i got annoyed when he told me to stay..

i realised he'd said the right thing.

if anything or anyone, i listen to you the most.

because you have that effect on me.

got a revision timetable!

as much as i doubt that i'll stick to it

during the easter holidays,

i'm going to really try.

i don't want to fxck up this year,

and have to depend it all on my A2 results next year.

'cause if i fxck up that year too,

then i'm screwed.

i want to go far far away with you

♥

i'm so glad i don't get hangovers.

can't even bunk now.

school's bare on it with the whole

"we're taking everyone's phone numbers,

and if you're missing from one lesson,

we're calling you.

if you don't pick up or anything,

we'll call another number.. home?"

allow. it's like, blackmail or something.

threatening me pahahahaa.

dxckheads.

shxt. i just realised, i haven't done psychology

for tomorrow morning period two. fxckfxck.

ally spoke to me today - woo.

came up from behind, gave me a heart attack.

still a little awkward with thingy,

after he hinted that he liked me.

but i just acted like nothing happened lol.

he even met up with me in the morning

to make sure i went to school.

and when i said i don't listen to anyone,

he was all like, "you listened to me and

came to school today." er, no.

i came into school today 'cause i'm trying

to make my boyfriend's life easier lol.

but i should be making it hell for him.

allow if your boyfriend wakes up next to you,

and the first thing he asks is about the girl

everyone was on, the night before.

I DON'T TINK SO BLUD.

i hate school.

i really really hate school.

it's like a battlefield everyday.

but fxck it.

if i can survive drinking three days in a row,

and two car crashes in a day,

i can survive a fxcking hurricane.

♥