Thursday 31 December 2009

what a problem child.

my tinnitus is getting worse!
it calmed down before, and the ringing stopped.
for a few weeks which feels so good.
but now, when it does come back,
it comes back with a ringing that kills.

my ankle is starting to hurt too!
i guess it's the cold weather as mum says,
"foong sup" so i just gotta walk more.
i saw this guy dancing, with so much passion,
and i just thought "that could've been me."
gutted.

opticians appointment soon, omg.
100% it's definitely gotten worse lol.
it has every. single. fxcking. time.

why am i such a problem child?


Wednesday 30 December 2009

thank you for all the good times ♥


tasnia.
known you since year seven.
you can see through me even when i lie.
and when you try and lie to me,
you know i'll get it out of you.
we have been together through times
we have smiled, cried and laughed.
i love how you know me the most,
and how we just know what one of us
is talking about with just one look.
i don't know what i'd do without you.
thank you for always being there,
for being my most beloved best friend.

zak.
met you this year, and it feels like
we have known each other since forever.
i can tell you anything and everything,
and you're always there when i need someone.
it's a miracle for you to deal with me
and my overly childish behaviour,
but i'm glad that you are now,
one of my most loveliest best friends.

ally.
i thought i would never find someone
who shared the same level of enthusiasm (or more)
or the same amount of energy in general.
your smile influences me to smile regardless
or how shxt my day may have already been.
your chat-up lines and charisma
makes me feel warm and loved
with the friendship that we have.
you turn every situation into a lovelable one.
as loveable as yourself.

monika.
although we've grown apart slightly,
we can still talk like we always do.
lliving everyday as crazy as it can get,
is what i love about you.
you taught me to have fun, with no regrets.
and to have courage to do things,
that i never thought i would do.
going crazy with you are the best moments made.

roa.
meeting you this year was one of the highlights.
talking to you feels so comfortable.
learning together, how to overcome hardships in life
with smiles and laughter everyday as though
each day were its last.
you are so beautiful, you have yet to understand.
you will always be a cherished friend,
and in terms of loved ones,
you have yet to find that one person to cherish you.
but being together as best friends is happiness.

ken.
although i no longer come out as often,
you still know how to make me laugh.
with your "oh my buddha" speeches,
and your smile in general, is so adorable.
you have something about you,
that makes everyone want to love you.
you give a warmth that i always love.

kit.
you're always there to listen to me complain.
your arms are always open, and i know,
i can call you anytime if i need someone.
you have helped me through a lot actually lol.
any drink up events? you'll be there.
and the unforgettable drink up 2008!

chian.
every moment with you is filled with laughter.
you're straightforward and blunt.
all those starbucks evenings are just yum.
you always have so much gossip
which is hilarious cause i do too!
you have your fair share of guys
on the tip of your fingers all the time.
always giving me advice and tips
like you're some old grandma who's been there, done that.
even when we don't see each other for ages,
we will always have so much to talk about.

aaron.
everytime we talk, it feels like,
we are both talking about different subjects,
but it somehow seems to make sense,
which is incredibly freaky but funny.
your problems always seems to revolve around girls.
it's either that, or you can't decide on a phone.
i can always be laid back and relaxed talking to you.


soeng ha.
i am so glad you have matured (slightly lol)
and that our friendship has also strengthened.
you always have your fair share of complaints,
and there are more days that you're down,
which is where i come in!
it's no surprise you haven't flipped out yet,
with the enthusiasm i throw at you every morning.
a lot has happened in the years i've known you,
and i hope that nothing stops us being friends again.

big keith.
you always know what to do,
you always know what the best thing to do is.
always there, giving me advice 24/7.
literally, any time and any where in the day.
you let me know, that if i need you,
i can call you anytime, and you'll be here.
yum char is never the same without you.
playing pool is never as jokes without you.
you're always the most responsible person,
whether it be at times when we need an adult,
or just in general, you're there.
thank you so much.

tim.
we've had our ups and downs,
and you've always turned my 'downs' into 'ups.'
you're always there if i need to call.
you do whatever you can to keep me happy,
and no matter how selfish i am,
you still listen and you're still there.
you're probably the first to hear about my problems lol.
you're always looking out for me cause i'm so clumsy
and obliviously prone to trouble, but you're there
to save me every single time.
i know that, that prank caller was you,
and i have realised that you'd do anything,
whether it be secretly or knowingly,
to keep me smiling, thank you.

marylebone '09, good times (Y)

YEAR 11



 








YEAR 11 LEAVERS



















a big fat slice of love ♥


[c=23][b][s]'Sooshi[/s][/c][/b] says:
- ahw. just set an example that you're better then that init
- not by how smart you are at school, but the fact you're the better person init
- you got a start already
- ME
- doesnt matter if your sister might be smarter then you.
- i'm probably twice, or 3/4/5 times better looking then gavin
- and it's not cause ur smart or looks. it's cus of ur personality and the fact ur not messed up ;p
- well. that's the important part ofcours
- you're healthy! ^-^



i'm not your cinderella, sorry.

i'm not your princess, this ain't a fairytale.
i'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet.
lead her up the stairwell.
spoke to tim last night too.
came to the subject of "nice guys."
which reminded me of a blog i once read.
"nice guys are always last,
and the one they love never realises,
that they were there all along."
it's true.

we both know that the nice guy
that he's referring to, is himself.
and that i'm the one oblivious.
but i know, that he likes me a lot.
and i know that he cares for me,
more than i care for myself.
but i can't love him that way right now,
i'm so confused and i feel like,
if i say i like someone, i'm messing around.

and if i ever liked him,
i want to be serious.
he told me not to worry him
about everything that happened
and that i need to "bow sun tey"
with vitamins and medicine.
he said he'd buy it for me too..
but i bought some seven seas today!
hopefully they will do the trick ;D

i just hope that he will find someone
who he loves, and will love him.
with the love that he deserves.


a broken family, broken hearts.


karman's bank statement came in the post
and mum opened it and was not impressed.
there were records of her withdrawing
during school times and a few hours later,
she'd be in loughton, essex, withdrawing again.
my mum put the pieces together -
school times, withdrawing money, gavin,
only equals one conclusion anyway.
i didn't even notice she'd started bunking.
how could i be so clueless?

she always went overboard with paypal,
i think she signed up for a business account
unknowingly and completely oblivious
to the fact she'd been paying with direct debit
every money towards paypal.
eventually she ended up with an overdraft.
it's a debit account, wtf?

mum and dad have been there and done that.
the whole, borrowing and being in debt situation.
i remember when my ex borrowed off big keith,
and i was paying it back for him, and i was short
around £40 and my mum was asking
where my money was going, and i said that i owed people.
and she quickly got out the amount and told me
to pay it back as soon as possible.
i told her i would pay it back myself and
and she insisted on giving me a cheque, i didn't take it.
i guess when it comes to situations like this,
she just worries for us and doesn't want us
to make the same mistakes and cause trouble in the future.

my dad told mum to give karman a chance in london.
as in, give her freedom and trust her to behave.
but now he feels betrayed and he says, that even this time,
he can't back her up because she'll never learn.

mum, dad and karman spent all night arguing.
and as i was by the door listening in,
chantel came into my room crying.
initially saying she couldn't sleep, but i knew.
i just hugged her and she started crying so much.
when she calmed down, she slept on my bed.
she hates it when our family breaks down,
and this time, it was all down to one person.
if there's one thing in this family, is that you don't lie.
there are no secrets, because we're binded by love.
more like, blinded.

karman is the only one who can make mum cry like that.
i don't think karman realises how lucky she is.
she gets money poured into her accounts labour-free.
i have to work for £30 and mum would just give her £300.
to be honest, it's also a lesson for my mum to learn.
even if you trust someone so much, like your daughter,
she will eventually abuse that trust.
as much as you think she won't, as much as you won't believe it.

today, karman bought a phone top up.
she is still planning on talking to gavin,
even though my dad was furious.
and she had promised my parents she would
never speak to him or see him again.
when will she learn?!
i feel so useless.
i'm just sitting back,
and watching her break my parents again.

Tuesday 29 December 2009

new haircut for 2010!

cut chantel's hair and mine,
it's not too bad la,
but it's definitely not the best lol!
really could not be bothered,
but my hair was getting annoying!







a little less poofy,
thinner and shorter fringe :D

2 more days until 2009 is over..

1. Tried to lose weight, gained it
2. Bought a longchamp bag, in love with it!
3. Had a "materialistic" phase
4. Had a relationship for a year and a half
5. Relieved I broke up with my ex
6. Dyed my hair more than 3 times
7. Bleached it so much I couldn't brush it
8. Found my hidden passion for heels!
9. Ate countless boxes of ferrero rochers
10. Cleaned my room twice
11. Still haven't finished my one mascara
12.. Freaked over spots that disappeared the next day
13. Gone up to norfolk every single weekend
14. My social life has officially disintegrated
15. Friday nights are no more
16. Met new lovely people
17. Liked someone who didn't like me back
18. Been confessed to more times I get ill
19. Never painted my nails
20. Didn't get ill this Christmas!!
21. Got ill after
22. Developed an obssession for Taylor Swift's songs
23. Tried to impress everyone, didn't
24. Changed my style
25. Cut my own hair and my sister's
26. Cried over stupid arguments
27. Cried because he wanted me to
28. Found my true friends
29. Fell out with people i never expected
30. Realised that Chemistry is not my profession
31. Tried Nandos for the first time
32. Argued with my parents (so many times)
33. Picked up my act, amazingly
34. Stuff happened in the summer, parent's dont even know
35. Wished I was Blair, and sometimes Serena
36. Sung for the first time to Philippa
37.  Realised piano wasn't my thing
38. Really wanted to be rich
39. Wanted a Blackberry so badly
40. Had the most boring summer, not gonna happen again
41. Wanted a big black camera, dad gave me his camera
42. My sister is still dating my ex's brother
43. Started talking to people I used to be close with
44. Caught up with old friends, felt so good!
45. Bought a wii
46. Realised we had a Playstation 2 for years
47. Had a phase where my eczema got really bad
48. Realised I'm really allergic to seafood
49. Just wore leggings, jumper and fuggs everyday
50. Has realised I need to sort out my love life haha ♥
and i just know 2010 is going to be even better!

have you ... in 2009? (;

( ) stayed single for the whole year
( ) made out in/on a car
( ) kissed in the snow
(x) celebrated Halloween
( ) kissed in the rain
(x) had your heart broken
(x) broke someone else’s heart
(x) had a stalker
(x) went over the minutes on your cell phone
(x) had a good relationship with someone
(x) someone questioned your sexual orientation
(x) gotten pregnant
(x) had an abortion
(x) have a relationship with someone you’ll never forget
(x) done something you’ve regretted
(x) lost faith in love
( ) kissed under a mistletoe

OTHER
(x) painted a picture
(x) wrote a poem
(x) ran a mile
( ) shopped at Hollister or Abercrombie and Fitch
(x) posted a blog
(x) listened to music you couldn’t stand
(x) went to a sleepover
( ) went camping
( ) threw a surprise party
(x) laughed till you cried
( ) laughed till you peed in your pants
(x) visited a foreign country
(x) cut in a line of waiting people
(x) told someone you were busy when you weren’t
( ) partied to celebrate the new year
(x) cooked a disastrous meal
(x) lost something/someone important to you

In 2009 I…
(x) broke a promise
(x) lied
(x) went behind your parents back
(x) cried over a broken heart
(x) disappointed someone close
(x) hid a secret
(x) pretended to be happy
( ) slept under the stars
( ) kept your new years resolution
(x) forgot your new years resolution
(x) met someone who changed your life
( ) met one of your idols
(x) changed your outlook on life
(x) sat home all day doing nothing

(x) pretended to be sick
( ) left the country
(x) almost died
(x) given up something important to you
(x) lost something expensive
(x) learned something new about yourself
(x) tried something you normally wouldn’t try and liked it
(x) made a change in your life
(x) found out who your true friends were
(x) met great people
(x) stayed up til sunrise
(x) cried over the silliest thing
( ) was never home on weekends

( ) got into a car accident
(x) had friends who were drifting away from you
( ) had someone close to you die
(x) had a high cell phone bill
(x) spent most of your money on food
( ) had a fist fight
( ) went to the beach with your best friend
( ) saw a celebrity
(x) gotten sick
(x) liked more than 5 people at the same time
(x) became closer with a lot of people



Sunday 27 December 2009

timothy wong, i love you!

tim, thank you for always standing by me,
thank you for always watching my back,
and cushioning the fall everytime.



if i have to cry so you'll leave, i will.


you know what.
you actually make me so angry, i want to cry.
but tell myself i'll never cry cause of you again.

i don't want to tell other people,
because i don't want it to be a burden either.
and i understand that some of my friends,
are also your friends so i don't want to make it difficult
for them to have to listen to my complaints.

why do you have to be so persisten?
"forgive and forget?"
i've already forgiven, i want to forget.
i absolutely detest you.

stop thinking that i have feelings for you,
that i am supposedly "hiding."
i've told you before, and i'll tell you again,
me and you, are history, that will not repeat.
we are not a drama to replay.
now, please.
the exit is the opposite direction,
use it.

you persistent dickhead.

why do you have to contact me?
you know that i won't reply and i won't read it.
so what do you achieve from that?
why can't you just LEAVE ME ALONE?
i've had enough of you.
everywhere i go, you have to be there.
everything i do, you have to do too.
just leave me alone and get the fxck outta my life already!
what does it take to get you OUT?
i'll write you a fxcking cheque.
STOP contacting me.
GET THE PICTURE.
i HATE you.
i DETEST you.
more than anything that is unwanted in this world.