Wednesday 23 March 2011

reality and dreams♥

lols awwww♥

when your friends calls someone they like
hahahaaaa♥

true colours;

so true..

snapshot of your lifeee♥

i have no idea :o

that couple♥

and i was baby baby baby ohh
everyone wants to be the couple that everyone else will be like
"omgg! oooohhhh~ you guys are soooo sweet together!"
and "i wish myyyy boyfriend would be like that with me!"

instead of being 'everyone else' i wanna be that coupleee(:
i think the sweetest couple has to be thatsheart on youtube.
even though i've never met her or her boyfriend,
they definitelyy have a very sweet and loving relationship :)

brotip BRUVVVV♥

never regret anything
because at one time
it was exactly what you wanted

OMG SO FXCKING TRUE! THANK YOU!

Tuesday 22 March 2011

please make me look like this! ♥

pleaseeee make me look like this for summer!

dreaming about summer.. *sighh* ♥

*sighh..* kevin wants chantel to go to holland this summer
and karman was a bit excited to go and because i don't want to
mum suggested i stay and help out at the take away..

i think.. if i had the money and time and freedom (lol!)
i would love to go to paris or venice with my boyfriend this summer :)
if i had to choose between the two of them, venice all the wayy! 

i'd love to go to a beach as well! mm.. maybe brighton? ;)
and then thorpe park or chessington! 
and take a cruise for a weekend with my boyfriend and some friends :)
then hopefully pass my driving test near the end of summer
and take my sisters to the chocolate factory like i've been promising them!

and of course, i'd spend obscene amounts of money shopping!
(i'd definitely grab that russell and bromley bag first!

no gossip girl for a month now! not happy.

no gossip girl till the 18th of april! aaargh!
that's soo annoying!

springgg! ♥ ♥ ♥

spring is finally heree! :)
it was soo nice and sunny today!
went out without a coat!
(i just know i'm going to regret that in the morning haha)

mmm yummy yummyyyy!

Monday 21 March 2011

less "i'm sorry" more "baby, i love you"

couples should be happily in love together..
i wish i'd hear less of "i'm sorry" from my boyfriend,
and have to say less of "i'm sorry" too.

i wish my boyfriend would go out of his way to keep me smiling
and if it were ever to happen, to be the one wiping my tears,
not the reason for them..

sometimes i think i get really fed up with unplanned tempers
and when i don't really understand where they come from.

maybe it's because i'm always holding onto the idea of a fairytale
and the whole "no pain, no gain" thing..
but there doesn't always have to be pain, does there?

i just wish we'd spend more of our time smiling together,
and loving each other; like we did a year ago

so so sooo sleeepyy..

i am so tired
my concentration span
is like, 2 seconds

them crxppy times :(

went to a kebab/turkish restaurant yesterday  :)
was niceee and soo filling! but i got a tummy ache after ><..
that's soo weird, i always get tummy aches after kebabs!
except for this one place in thetford..

god i have sooo much work to do!
but i'm just procrastinating now, i gave up on maths ==!
god i sooo wish i hadn'tn taken it for A2! or A level at all!
aaaaargh! if i had taken any other subject, i would've been fine..
gets me so frustrated knowing that i can't get into my firm choice.

and yeahh, i always think positive,
but there's a difference between being positive and being naive!
and i'm doneeee being naiveeeee..

i don't think i'm going to the leaver's party anymore, for defo.
firstly, it's gonna be kinda awkward cos i don't jam with them.
and second.. i think my boyfriend was planning on crashing it
and i don't want to be responsible for any damages or a ruined night.

sighh.. sometimes the things you play out in your head
actually play out waaay differently in reality.

Wednesday 16 March 2011

bubzbeauty contest entry lol! ♥

enjoyyy!

time is ticking.. ♥

just thought i'd let you know..
if we ever end the day with hurtful words and tears,
i just want you to know that i love you.

and if we are ever in two different cities,
i hope you know, the last person in my mind every night
is still you.

i love you, tim wong.
why hello, you have quite the beautiful hands..
okay, lame joke.

#pray for japan♥

you never know what tomorrow brings
the tsunami in japan really made me think..
what if i had been sleeping and i woke up, in a tsunami?
and what if i hadn't manage to say the things i wanted to say,
or do the things i wanted to do?

that could of been me, or you, or anyone who is reading this blog.
we are all so blessed to be alive and walking today.

although there are loads of loving couples around me,
there are also many couples who argue and fight over silly things.
that includes myself and my boyfriend.
sometimes i think we take life for granted.

i think.. you should live life as it comes.
when you come across those little jpegs and gifs saying,
"live every day as if it were your last" .. do it!
because you never know what tomorrow brings.

i think, my biggest regret in life would be
if my day ended with a horrible argument
with my parents, or my sisters, or my boyfriend..
and we never had the chance to tell each other
how much we really appreciated each other.
how much i really love you.

not one more, not one less :)
pray for those in japan;

PB blazer oh please mummm! ♥

i wish i had unlimited money
to do unlimited shopping
so i'd have unlimited happiness
whoever said money can't buy you happiness
has obviously been shopping in all the wrong places!
besides, money can buy you good health, a good house etc..
and to an extent, i guess money can buy you friends haha

but never mind those things!
i don't need money to buy me friendsss..
but i wouldn''t mind money to buy good health
for my family and my boyfriend..

i think i'm having those
"wouldn't-it-be-great-to-be-born-rich" moments haha

i was gonna exchange the bag i got the other day
for this blazer than i found which I'M IN LOVE WITH!
i think it's one of those things where,
if i don't see it in real life, i'll soo regret not getting it!
but if i do see it, and it's horrible, then i'll get over it xD
so for now.. it's a definite must-have! 

please pleaseeee god give me another job!
i used to think paul's boutique was really tacky and cheap
but actually, some of their stuff is actually really cute! :)

the coat is really nice too!
but they're not out in stores yet :(
went today and apparently they're only out onlinee..
gonna save up loads after paying for my resits!

can't wait for summer '11! ♥

hatinggggg on school right now hahaa
god i can't wait to get out of heree! uniiii

my boyfriend and i are okay now :)
we watched titanic on sunday and OMGGGG
i think it's the first time i've ever asked myself,
but.. "WAI MAN WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!?!" hahaaa ^^"
i cried like a million times from half way through the film ^^"

not gonna depress myself and you guys talking about school,
so let's talk about this summer and the end of year 13! WOO!
leaver's party is on the 27th may i don't think i'm going ><..
feels kind of weird cos i don't really jam with anyone there.
so maybe my boyfriend will take me clubbing that night ;)

this summer, i was kind of hoping
to go on a weekend trip or something with my boyfriend
to paris or venice (which is a bit too hopeful haha!)
but i think i'm going to work and save loads of monies!
so i have enough for uni and that xD

and then maybeee we'll go to paris during winter
cos it sounds superrr romantic! heheheeee ^^
and then venice next summer woooo!

hopefully we'll go to thorpe park and a few beaches this summer!

Friday 11 March 2011

沒有你就是沒有幸福♥

今天,我感到很孤獨。
自己一個人上學。
自己一個人吃三明治。
回到家,自己一個人躺在床。。
其實自己一個人沒有個溫暖的感覺。

如果我說我今天一次沒有想起你
說一個很大的謊言。
因為今天,每秒,每一分鐘,
有想起你。

當我開始想起你,
我的眼就會有眼淚。
因為我真的想告訴你,
我從來沒有掛住一個人麼多。

沒有你在我的身邊,愛著我,
我真的不知道該怎麼做。

Thursday 10 March 2011

fuck school, fuck everything.

oh yeah, i fucked up in my AS resits again.
i was so close to crying in front of the class,
but someone else did and she made me think,
god i'd look ridiculous if i cried.
so i didn't.. but i really wanted to.
i tried so fucking hard, and in the end,
it was a waste of fucking time and money.

this is all so stupid!
i hate school. fuck a levels.
fuck university and having a 'future'
fuck everything.
i hate the world.

and i hate you god (if you exist)
for being so fucking hard on me.
i don't know what i've ever done to deserve all this shit.

i didn't ask to be sexually harassed and raped by my cousin.
i didn't ask to be forced in sex and end up having an abortion.
i didn't ask to be bulimic my whole teenage life.
i didn't ask to have friends that would walk out on me.
i didn't ask to be a shit girlfriend who depressed her boyfriend.
i didn't ask to be so fucking useless for fucks sake.
life is so fucking fucked up!

and for the second time in my life,
i actually don't feel like living anymore.
call me a quitter, but living is so tiresome
when you take everything on yourself.
i used to be able to do that, until i met had you.
and now i don't even have you.

so why live breathe.

..fourteen months♥


sadly, fairytales are never perfect,
and more often than not come to an end

even though this month's anniversary isn't relatively happy like the others.
i think right now is a really crucial time for us to really think.
everything i needed to say, i've already said.
and the fact that i'm not getting much of a response.
makes it seem like things can't change over a day after all.

at every minute, and every second of today,
my hearts feels like something's crushing it.
like if whatever it is, keeps pushing, 
it'll crush my heart into pieces already.
but that's silly and it makes no sense..
because my heart is already in pieces.

and it hurts like nothing i've ever felt before.


happy fourteen months.

pick up all the little pieces♥

it fxcking hurts when you realise that
everything you believed in turns out to be
complete utter bullshxt.
it's just disappointing.
you know that feeling when it feels like everything's falling apart?
well, i do. and i've been feeling like that for some time now.
but it picks up every now and then so it's not so bad..
but this time.. this time hit me hard.

me and my boyfriend argue a lot; i guess that's just us really.
but yesterday, we he took it to another level.
i'm a crybaby, but i haven't cried like that since i was young.
and i guess it's because yesterday scared me like back then.
it brought me back about ten years ago and to be really honest,
i was really afraid.

i cried because i was upset of course,
but i think fear overtook the sadness i felt.

i hate realising that one person
can be two completely different people.
i think it's the scariest feeling. ever.

and i was really unprepared
so it threw me off completely.
and you left me speechless.

i wonder if it breaks your heart to see me like that?
it feels like what came out of your mouth was true,
you really don't give a shxt about me anymore.
but it's okay. really..
it's just like you always say, "shxt happens."
so what can i do..

i tried taking my mind off this today, so many times.
but i failed every single bloody time! got me so angry!

when i actually picked up my pen for the first time today to do maths,
i thought of you again.. and how you're always so eager to teach me.

even when i went to the toilet,
i saw your worried face asking me to take care of my body.

and when i saw a guy in the year below hug his girlfriend,
patting her head and telling her how much he loved her in front of a crowd..
i thought of you.
and it made my eyes water.

i spent all night doing work, trying to take my mind off it,
i'll think about everything later.
but your mum worries and she asks and asks if i'm okay.
and i'm biting my tongue, saying of course i am.

i don't know what to do.
i don't know what i want you to do.
actually, i'm lying, i do know what i want you to do.
but i'm not going to tell you.
because it wouldn't be your decision.
you wouldn't be doing/saying anything freely.

they say time heals everything.
..i wish you could fast-forward time.

Monday 7 March 2011

a moment of thankfulness♥

i have 9 school weeks left which meeeans..
no time for messing around like last year again.
today, when i got my first mock back (eco)
it hit our whole class kind of smack-bang in our faces.

i guess it's because we don't really realise how close we are
to our summer exams and more retakes and almost..
how vulnerable we are to losing those university places.
sanghvi was right; if we keep going at the way we are,
we're not gonna be going to uni next year at all.

today, i realised i took my family for granted, almost too much.
and for me to have to watch a clip about the people in africa
in order to realise how truly lucky i am..
it makes me feel like an ungrateful piece of shxt.

i say i'm grateful for what i've been given and what i have;
but i've never really let the people who have given me those things,
know that i am genuinely grateful and appreciative for them.

firstly, i would like to thank my beloved parents.
for always providing me with the necessities for a successful life.
for always protecting me and providing me with food on the table every day.
for ensuring that i have the best of the best education.
for always being the reason i smile on a shxtty day
(even if you both do drive me crazy sometimes)
and for and respecting me as the person i've become.
thank you for not letting me stray and lose myself.
i love you both so much♥

secondly, i would like to thank my beautiful sisters.
although you've all proven age and annoyance positively correlate,
you guys have always been the reason as to why i try my best in all that i do.
i try hard in school to give you something to work towards
because i know your potentials and i know that you can all do better than me.
when i hit a dead end and i feel like everything's falling apart,
you guys are just somehow there to yank me onto my feet again;
you make me stronger every time.
i love all three of you, not one more, not one less♥

thirdly, i would like to thank my boyfriend's family.
for accepting me as your other half.
and for accepting me under your roof.
you have provided both me and sister, with warmth and love.
i have never been to anyone's house (other than my own)
that would welcome me as their own.
i've always learnt to be precautious and my guard is always up,
but ever since you all took us in, i haven't felt so relieved in so long.
i love you all dearly♥

and now last but not least, i would like to thank my loving boyfriend.
for going along with all my crazy ideas and adventures.
for bringing me happiness and smiles, day and night.
for always trying your best to keep me happy.
for putting a roof over my head and keeping me warm and fed.
for being there to embrace me when i feel like the world's against me.
for holding my hand and being by my side no matter what.
for buying me gifts that no one else would think to buy.
you really are the light at the end of my tunnel.
and whenever i feel lost and i can't find my way out,
i'll run towards that light as long as you're there with open arms.
because i don't even know where to start to show you how touched i am,
for loving me as me, and no one else.

almost £100 in one go! :o ♥ ♥ ♥

took tim to the doctors on fridayyy :)
he got a really painful ear swab lols!
well it most certainly sounded painful! haha aww

dad painted my bedroom!
it was supposed to be sky blueee
but it turned out to be like blue/purple/sky blue haha
it changes colour whenever it wants!

i woke up the next morning and it was sky bluee
and then at night it was purple and during the day its just blue!
hahaha awwww daddy's such a bum♥

we were still technically pissed at each other on friday lols
but i think we eventually started to patch up..
even though he's still a bit edgy with me ==

on sunday, i grabbed kfc for joey cos she was craving it haha!
and then me and tim went out to unlock chantel's phone..
and whilst we had 30 mins, we went to covent garden's tesco~
to get stuff to mke porridge cos tim's jaws hurt :(

but when we went back to collect the phone..
they said 10 more mins! so we wandered around ctown
looking for the place with the cheapest cup noodles LOLSS! ♥

and we went back again and they said another 15 mins!
so we walked around again hahaa oh and tim talked it down to £3 from £5 ;p
so chantel just saved £2 lols awwww (:

made porridge last night and it kind of er.. failed lols
too much water and too little rice xD
but still edible really lols

i flopped the economics test i thought i'd smackedddd :(
36%! BLOODY 36% WTFUXXXX?!
actually got me genuinely upset :'(
it's so stupid cos i thought i knew everything!
but i just don't know where the marks come from!?!

mum came down today for karman's parents evening
and i waited around to go shoppinggggg♥
cos my stupid longchamp has a hole sporting at the bottom!

i wanted to get the paul's boutique patent maisy bag
but mum said it looked 'low tow' and like an 'ah por' bag haha

and mum wanted me to get the huge anchor bag
so that i could actually fit stuff in lols
but it kinda looked really.. er, big and 'cho low'
so i ended up getting the molly white anchor bag
and the lizzie white anchor purse to match! ♥

can't find a photo of the purse online so i'll show you at the end!
♥ ♥ ♥

god i felt like one of those 'my super sweet 16th' girls
when mum went to pay at the counter and it came to £97!
£66 for the bag and £31 for the wallet -
which isn't a lot if you bought it separately lols
and mum was telling karman to choose one
and suprisingly enough.. she didn't like any of them lol!

awww i love my mummyyyy! ♥
now i'm getting all excited thinking about
what to get her for mothers day woooo!
♥ ♥ ♥