that time of the fxcking year again.

so on sunday, i saw tim for the first time since valentines

and we were having a movie day which was funnnn :)

until he decided to be stupid just before he left for uni ==

a lot happened on monday actually.

leyla and kit broke up, norman came over

and he had his little ramble so i listened.

and i somehow became a stupid little bitchandahalf

and told leyla about the whole situation with kit and norman.

and even though she swore she wouldn't say a word,

she decided to let all hell break loose.

but i can't blame her cos i know i'd be angry.

and i was the one who decided to open my fat gob.

but i hate it when your trust gets thrown

out the fucking window over one night.

she decided to tell norman and kit something,

i don't actually know what she said because

i woke up the next morning and tommy said i had backstabbed him.

when actually, i felt super guilty for going behind kit's back.

so the person i think i actually backstabbed, hadn't even accused me,

but the person who wasn't even in mine and leyla's conversation, did?

god i was so confused.

and i take full responsibility for all this shit that has happened.

but now that me, kit and tommy have sorted things out,

i'm done being in this mess.

this time last year, and the same time this year,

has made me truly realise, that friends are friends,

but when you get too close, things go complicated.

tasnia's been acting wierd lately with me too so i cba.

so although people like kit, tommy and tasnia meant a lot to me.

i don't actually have the mental capacity to maintain friendships

and bring them back to how things were before shit happened.

from now on, their business is their business, and mine and mine.

this always reminds me of when shiok said,

"friends are friends inets, but you don't get too close."

and i hate, giving my complete trust in someone

thinking that things will be different every fucking time.

thinking maybe, i'll have a true girlfriend i can rely on

instead of just having loads of guy friends.

but girls are just a fucking mess.

a right fucking mess.

and i think yesterday, when i told you about the situation,

when you said, "you're supposed to let your low gong come and save you"

i think there was that slight moment where i was genuinely going to rely on you.

but then when you said, "i'm gonna be like god,

and just watch from the sidelines knowing everything."

i knew that just like every other time,

if you dig yourself a hole, you clean up your own shit.

cos no one's gonna stand by you when you're in the wrong.

priorities as of now:

- school/uni/work

and if either of those let me down,

then god shat on me big time.

♥