對不起，我受不了。

all week, my dad has put so much weight on my shoulders

and only today when my mum came home,

i felt everything lifted off my shoulders again.

like as long as she was here under the same roof,

i had some sort of protection.

over all my 17 years, i adored my dad.

cos i always thought he was selfless and reasonable etc.

but this week, he was the most annoying bastard.

he'd always do his own things before caring about the house.

like he'd rather spend money on his bloody iphone and ipad

than actually buy food for the fxcking house

to the point even my baby sister complained about being hungry.

i'd work all night long with him from before the shop opens

to ages after the shop closed and all i get each night is £15.

and then at the end of every other night, he'd ask how much i have,

so he could take all my money to buy his stupid fake ipad.

instead of letting me use the money to actually buy stuff for the house.

i haven't had time to do any school work since thursday 17th

and my exams are now - two days away.

and when i finally get like an hour free, he'd make me search up

his stupid fake technology and shxt.

plus, all week, my boyfriend and i have been super rocky.

definitely more 'downs' than 'ups' and it feels like

it's gonna take a lot to bring more 'ups' back.

i don't remember the last time i was happy for an entire day.

even the beginning of valentines day wasn't filled with smiles and love.

my stupid teenage sister decided to play

miss-prissy-spoiled-selfish-princess.

i looked like a fucking hippo today

in my swimming costume.

and my friends' relationship went downhill

- which is also where my free time went.

because both of them had me on-call 24/7.

not that that's not a good thing,

but that's a good few hours of revision gone.

i've been ill all week

and my body temperature's been low all week.
so now i just.. shake.

i don't get enough sleep every night

because i stay up trying to revise

but because i'm so tired, nothing goes through.

and then i lay like an insomniac for hours.

so today, i couldn't take it anymore.

i held it in for long enough

and i didn't even bother anyone else with my problems.

and when i tried telling the person i wanted,

he wasn't there.

and now i'm drowing in guilt and tears because

i'm the shitty kind of girlfriend who becomes

the reason her boyfriend goes on antidepressants.

and today i did something i hadn't done in a long time.

but today it didn't have its' usual effect;

it made me feel even worse.

i should get myself prescribed some antidepressants.