CHRISTMAS COUNTDOWN! woo!

you and i together,

it just feels so right.

i had a strange, but comforting dream last night,

one that has triggered false hope in me.

i was running away from something,

hoping that someone would be at the end.

i turned around and etrit was running after me,

my body froze and was pulled to an embrace.

"i should never have let you go."

i met a new friend, ayman!

i talked to him like i would to guys usually,

throw in a few jokes here and there,

flirt a bit and laugh about it after.

but he surprised me and took things seriously?

i'm not sure whether or not i should back off for a bit,

or whether or not i should just continue acting myself.

you said you already started to like me,

please tell me you won't, because you're a good friend.

and i don't want to lose you in any way.
you can't like me, soeng ha likes you.
and everyone wants you two together.

zak knows about my past now.

i told him because i trust him.

and i want him to be able to open up to me,

like i do to him.

i don't want him to feel alone, ever.

after a tiring week, it feels so nice to just sit back,

and eat korean for hours with sid.

he's so comfortable to be around because we're both open,

and i feel like i can actually tell him anything and everything.

i still haven't gotten my secret santa's present!

nor have i bought my sister's presents either..

i'm actually surprisingly financially unable to.

but i don't want to ask to borrow, or ask for more.

christmas is in exactly two weeks now!

we've already brought the tree out :D

i hope mum will actually let me go to holland in february,

because right now, i'm just asking myself,

"do you really like this guy? do you really want to be with him?

something tells me i shouldn't, but something else tells me i do.