she's the one that got awayyyy.

i could tell you his favorite color's green
he loves to argue, born on the seventeenth
his sister's beautiful, he has his father’s eyes
and if you asked me if i love him,
i’d lie
i remember at the beginning of january,

when you started telling me about your feelings..

you tried to laugh it off lightly by saying

"you know what i tell my friends now..

you're the one who got away. haha.."

but as you said those words,

i feel like it was full of pain and sadness.

i feel like while you were saying that,

you were trying to stop yourself from crying.

like it pained you to say them,

but you still said it anyway..

i remember, the next day,
i came into school and i was so confused.
i didn't know how to feel, what to say,
and what to do.
i didn't want to do something
that i'd regret and something that would change
everything in both our lives.

before, whenever someone asked me,
if i still remembered my first love, tim wong,
and if i remember how i said i loved him,
and if i knew what i was doing back in the day.
i'd lie and say i hardly remember him,
and i don't like him and never did anyway,
and i was young so i was just messing around.

then there were the ones i couldn't cover up.
if i remembered how i'd told everyone,
you were the one i was going to marry.
and how we were dating when you were at marylebone,
and how i drew pictures of our wedding,
and how i made collages of your printscreens,
and how i even printed off a photo of you
and kept it on the front of my school diary,
covered in love hearts.

i could lie to everyone else,
but i couldn't lie to myself after all.

and what made me laugh,
was that tasnia saw right through me.
and rania said, "you only hate him
'cause he rejected you in year nine."
and tasnia told me,
i should never lie to myself.

because right after i lied to everyone,
i'd look through my inbox,
and the messages that you sent me
were still there.
then i'd flip to my drafts,
and contemplate over the send button,
for the text that i never did send.

and it's funny how i still remember
what i wanted to say.

and all those times,
i wrote about how i felt about you,
and sent it to you,
and claimed it was an "accident",
and i was supposed to send it to "tasnia"
"'cause your name was just under hers.."
i lied.

i wanted to be in your life again.
i didn't like how i'd just been forgotten.

i remember that someone used to
always remind me that,
"if you're going to love someone,
you have to have the determination
to face rejection.
but if your love is returned,
you have to be prepared to fight for it.
love is a battlefield.
and only true love survives."

♥