fxckface.

In the end, we only regret the chances we didn't take.

The relationships we were scared to have and the decisions we waited too long to make.

There comes a time in your life when you realise who matters, who doesn't, who never did and who always will.

Throw unwanted looks and unpleasant words at people as they cross your "turf."

Smoke packets of tar a day to make yourself seem big and intimidating.

Down as many shots as you are challenged until your liver no longer functions.

What do you achieve?

It's actually quite hilarious when you realise how many people are actually interested in your business.

Surely they could be using their time more effectively rather than making hate groups and spending every minute and hour of the day bxtching about someone they refuse to believe they are jealous of? By talking about them behind their backs, regardless of your relationship with them, just goes to show that you are afraid to confront them and tell them face to face. I'm sure the majority of us would say "I'd rather you say that to my face" but would you really? If I told you, you look dead without the use of cosmetics, would you rather not have heard that from me even if we have been best friends since primary? The truth may hurt, but it definitely doesn't hurt more than finding out from someone else.

If you want to be a part of this world, people will talk.

There will always be people who will promise you they will "keep your secrets" but "it should be okay to tell my friend cause she won't tell anyone." There will always be the people who will scrutinize and pitch hateful looks at your presence as they scan your appearance 360degrees. There will always be people who will smile and hug you but you know it's fake because the next time you turn around, you can hear whispers and glances in your direction.  There will always be people who will be friends with you temporarily until they find a new cliche. There will always be people who you find yourself loving and trusting and when they hear things they don't want to hear, they will leave.

If you make a promise, you promise to keep it.

If you like someone, you show it.

If you dislike someone, you let them know.

No one likes a fake.

People have and will walk in and out of your life.

But only the ones that you truly cared for, the ones you truly trusted, and the ones that you truly loved will leave footprints in your delicate heart and mind. Even if you no longer like him or her and even if you regret trusting them, those footprints will re-surface, and the memories will invade your vision.

I hate regret. I hate you. Only when our ties are broken, you show who you really are, and I hate it. I hate myself for not realising this earlier at our first break up. I used to always think, you will always be the "good" person in our relationship. You will never be the person to make the wrong move because you loved me, and everytime I did something wrong, I used to blame myself for being such a bxtch. But actually, it was you who made me the person I didn't want to be. Before you left this summer, you actually showed me the person you really were. You would make me cry with the most hateful methods because you think I look cute. You say I'm insensitive and that I will always remember you, even if I date another - even after that, you thought so? You would be harsh and cold, even at times when I needed your warmth and comfort where I was unstable - both physically and mentally. You say that you will always be the most important person to me, for what? You say that I am incapable of living without you. Yet you leave me in the most broken state, and return with only material gifts to "make up for everything you've done." You return with a debt that only I can pay off for you because you never know how to save. You return with broken ties with people around you that only I can comfort you for. If only you realised that everything you say is wrong.

You are and always will be as childish as you appear. You will say one thing and if I ever bring it up, you will remain in denial. You want to feel powerful by telling everyone your side of the story until everyone "supports" you and develops a hatred towards me. You try and hold onto what is and isn't there by handing me "back" gifts that shouldn't be taken. You indirectly threaten me with the knowledge of knowing about my past and when you feel the fear that I experience when confronting a new relationship, you will feel powerful.

But I can tell you, I don't care what you do and don't know, I don't care if you tell everyone everything that happened between us. You can lurk in the shadows and follow me until you are content because I am going to live everyday a hundred times happier than when I was with you. You can blackmail me with anything and everything you have cursed me with, but I will face the consequences because the people who don't let that affect our relationship will deserve my love. You can get as many "people" on your side of the story as you want, but I won't feel intimidated because I am gonna walk past you and your posse with confidence that overwrites yours. And when you look, you'll have told the world what a fxckface you are. 

You have always been this selfish and you have never understood the meaning of "promise." You have always promised me you would keep my privacy, but you would tell people because they were my friends. A promise is a promise. It excludes everyone, and includes only you and I. For the people who listen to both sides, it's your choice. But if you were the ones who left when you felt his sympathy for him, you just prove me one hundred percent correct when I say our friendship was never there.