Friday 25 February 2011

對不起,我受不了。

all week, my dad has put so much weight on my shoulders
and only today when my mum came home,
i felt everything lifted off my shoulders again.
like as long as she was here under the same roof,
i had some sort of protection.

over all my 17 years, i adored my dad.
cos i always thought he was selfless and reasonable etc.
but this week, he was the most annoying bastard.

he'd always do his own things before caring about the house.
like he'd rather spend money on his bloody iphone and ipad
than actually buy food for the fxcking house
to the point even my baby sister complained about being hungry.

i'd work all night long with him from before the shop opens
to ages after the shop closed and all i get each night is £15.
and then at the end of every other night, he'd ask how much i have,
so he could take all my money to buy his stupid fake ipad.
instead of letting me use the money to actually buy stuff for the house.

i haven't had time to do any school work since thursday 17th
and my exams are now - two days away.
and when i finally get like an hour free, he'd make me search up
his stupid fake technology and shxt.

plus, all week, my boyfriend and i have been super rocky.
definitely more 'downs' than 'ups' and it feels like
it's gonna take a lot to bring more 'ups' back.
i don't remember the last time i was happy for an entire day.
even the beginning of valentines day wasn't filled with smiles and love.

my stupid teenage sister decided to play
miss-prissy-spoiled-selfish-princess.

i looked like a fucking hippo today
in my swimming costume.

and my friends' relationship went downhill
- which is also where my free time went.
because both of them had me on-call 24/7.
not that that's not a good thing,
but that's a good few hours of revision gone.

i've been ill all week
and my body temperature's been low all week.
so now i just.. shake.
i don't get enough sleep every night
because i stay up trying to revise
but because i'm so tired, nothing goes through.
and then i lay like an insomniac for hours.

so today, i couldn't take it anymore.
i held it in for long enough
and i didn't even bother anyone else with my problems.
and when i tried telling the person i wanted,
he wasn't there.

and now i'm drowing in guilt and tears because
i'm the shitty kind of girlfriend who becomes
the reason her boyfriend goes on antidepressants.
and today i did something i hadn't done in a long time.
but today it didn't have its' usual effect;
it made me feel even worse.
i should get myself prescribed some antidepressants.

Thursday 24 February 2011

pancake dayyy! 080311! ♥

the things that a man can never learn to do
is because he's waiting for a girl to accomplish it
pancake day's on tuesday the 8th of march this yearr!
i can't waaaait! gonna make heart shaped pancakes woooo!
(okay well hopefullyyyy!)

and hopefully no one will suffer from food poisoning lols ^^"
and hopefully they'll taste less of flour and more of pancaaakes!

JOEY'S 7 TOMORROW OMGGG! ♥

here's a girl holding onto someone
who doesn't want to be held onto;
you are never going to find a girl like that again
woke up like an hour agooo and i couldn't get back to sleep!
so made some gong jai meen and cleaned up the kitchen
cos everyone's been throwing FAAAILED attempts at baking lol!
gonna start revising economics in a minuteeee♥
still need to do sanghvi's end of chapter test as well, dayummm!

spoke to ashleee and kitt last night :)
hopefully thing's will start to work out for kit and leyla la~

was putting my books into boxes the other day
so that it's all clean and ready to paint my room -
sky blueee with cloudsss! BACK OFF TIMMM! ♥
it was my idea first :(

and please pleaseee let me be free to swim tomorrow!
JUST COME A FEW HOURS LATER IF YOU MUSTTT! >
otherwise i'm gonna have to think of a plan
so that joey's birthday isn't completely ruined haha T__T

dad's iphone is edging closerrr!
and MUM'S BACK TOMORROWWWW!

haha you'll never guess what joey said!
she said that when she used to sleep with mum and dad,
she'd wake up really early so she'd go and find karman and chantel,
but because they were still asleep, she'd go back to my parent's room,
but it was locked! :o

so she peeped through the keyhole..
and her exact words were, "mummy was on top of daddy
and they were kissing and hugging but then it was like,
they were fighting!" HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!
oh god, she said it soo innocently as well! awwww! ♥
made us literally ROLL ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING!
my tummy hurt so much lol! awwww(;
missing you looooadsss my baby munchkin! :(
oh yeahhh, that's your new petname btww ^^"
OOOPS! forgot to tell you heheeee~
i love you!

i love finding monies in random places! ♥

didn't revise todayyyy T________T
worked and there wasnt any business anyway! ><
kit and leyla are soo complicated!
can only hope for the best for the two♥

omggg i was just cleaning out my black bag
and the back pockets had so much rubbish lol!
AND THEN I FOUND TWO £20 NOTES WOOO!
that always happens if i carry loads of money xD
i forget random stashes haha ^^"

really miss my boyfriend atmmm! :(
can't wait to see him on sundayy (hopefully!)
mum's back on friday! and it's joey's birthdayy :)
gonna get a good night's sleep tonight
and wake up earlyy tomorrow to do some
HARDCORE REVISION!
oh paris oh parisssss♥
COME TO ME BABYYY!

Wednesday 23 February 2011

PARISSS PLEASEEE! ♥ ♥ ♥

i reeeally reeeally want to go to paris/rome/venice for my birthday!
that would be the most romantic and perfect place to gooo!

okay not even for my birthdayy..
just as a weekend away from hereee!

embracing my lovely webcam again! ♥

trust him not to break your most prized possesion
a lot of stuff is happening between leyla and kit atm :(
and it kinda makes me feel really upset too ><
considering they're both my friends!

went out to buy prizes for joey's birthdayy!
pass the parcel and games of course xD
just wrapped it up now hahaha
the actual prize is like two times smaller!

i'm too lazy to do any revision today haha
which is baddd! cos i've only done C3 revision!
but technically i don't need to do eco or psy xD
just need to remember names of studiesss♥
joey and karman made fairy cakes and choc chip cookies!
it kinda reminds me of a sunflower with a cute white bonnet! ^^

ohh yeahh! forgot to tell you..
on sunday.. chantel was scarilyy nice!
and she bought me a new mascara o__o
NO ONE TOLD ME IT WAS WATERPROOF!
hahah so i spent ages trying to get it off
cos i didn't have any make up remover on me lol!

thats our pass-the-parcel! :)

oh and i got a new diary :)

Monday 21 February 2011

london can be fun when it's free xD ♥

went to london with dad and sisters :)
spent the day doing free stuffs with chantel haha
we got a polaroid from abercrombie&fitch (;
chantel loved it hahaha! ♥

then we watched the violinists in covent garden :)
i knew chantel would like them cos they're always there
and i could stand there for hours listening ^^
and then we watched the same guy who says the same lines
every single day hahahaha xD

reserved joey's cakee awwww! ♥
pizza hut we went to didn't have happy hour :(
ended up eating with dad, karman and joeyyyy;
karman took joey to battersea park today.

went to troc for a bit -
hate going troc now lol
i don't remember the last time i wenttt..

joey got all her front two teeth taken out! LOOOL!
it was soooo cuuuute! her upper lip was swollen and squishy!
and it was numb so she couldn't feel us poking it xD
bus-ed it homeeee♥

bought a new diary today from artbox btwww ^^
revised a littleee - actually, revised a LOT!
finally finished C3! gonna do practice papers soon :/

Sunday 20 February 2011

gyaru♥

awww i wish i had friends who'd play dress up with meee! :(
i love dressing uppp! but my boyfriend's too cool for thattt >w<

if i can't be your first, i'll be your last♥

we always believe our first love is our last,
and our last love is our first

green tea for eye bagsss♥

me and chantel have been having fun doing this since yesterday :)
although it does get a bit too cold if you leave them on for too long ><

fooooood! ♥ ♥ ♥

when you're at a restaurant
and you see your food coming
awwwwww

'real' friends :)

when i think about the bxtches i used to call friends
then i look at my real ones and we're all like

eurghhh soo jealouss!

so bufffff!

sighh.. so little timee!

as long as you're with me
honestly with the strength of our love
we can go nowhere but up
went to bury yesterday with dad and chantel,
mum wanted to get her phone again from carphone warehouse
but the price has gone up so we didn't get it cos
we thought she wouldn't have got it either xD

then we went to argos so chantel could get joey's present,
but they didn't have the one that she wanted sooo..
we raided the sales section! MWUAHAHAA >D
i ended up getting her two 'my littlest pets' houses haha
and chantel snatched the horse i was gonna get =3=

got some chips and chantel wanted a saveloy
and then headed home to sainsburysssss..
haven't spoken to karman for a good few days
cos she's being so selfish now i can't even be bothered.
and if mum asks when she comes back, i'm gonna be upfront.

did some C3 work but not much ><
starting to worry about the time i have left!
but it really is hard trying to revise and work
for like, the whole night!

it's so tiring as well..
i don't know how my parents do it
every single day!

gonna start cramming C3 otherwise
i won't have enough time for everything else >

some guy came to the shop yesterday
saying our chicken balls gave him food poisoning lol
with no proof whatsoever..
and he wanted a 'couple of bottles of drinks
instead of going through the long process of claiming insurance'
haha i was like noooo, i'd rather you claim it! ==

anywayyyyy.. gonna go cramcramcrammmm!

Friday 18 February 2011

LVLVLVLV♥♥

i love it when my vaseline is warm and slightly melted!
it's so much easier to apply on your lips and it's so warmmm♥

i don't wanna reviseee~
still procrastinating i guess xD

louis vuitton damier azur sarah wallet *drools*
£350 pleaseee?

okay i'm reeally gonna go revise now..

she's changed so much since the first season of gossip girl!

letsgetsoapy.co.uk




i hate using these kind of soaps
but they look so prettyyy!

jeremy scott + adidas! ♥

jeremy scott's collab with adidas fall 2011!
awwww the last one reminds me of slippers!

black swan = ♥ ♥ ♥

i reeeally reeeeeally wanna learn ballet now!
i've convinced tas to join my little ballet craze haha
but it's probably a million years too late!
and it'll probably end up being a waste of money
cos i probably won't have time for it when i get to uni :(
but i reeeally want to learnnn! ♥

if you're willing to being suuuper nie and pay for my lessons,
FEEL FREE TO! ^^ i'll make you deflating cupcakes haha
they seem to be my speciality after all >3<

aaaah! we're taking about foood and being a skinny ballerinaa!

omggg! kawaiiii! ♥ ♥ ♥

okay i'm really gonna go and revise in 15 minutes!
but loooook at thissss! AWWWWWW!
"IT'S SO FLUFFY I COULD DIEEEEEE!"
doesn't come close to how adorablee this isssss!

i thought my lomography camera was cuuute
but this is UBERRR CUUUUTEEE!


please please pleaseeee mummyyy! ♥

my birthday's 5 months away so
please please pleaseeee someone get me thisss!
i won't even ask for a christmas presentttt! ^^
i've been wanting it since last year alreadyyyy♥

blueee macarooooons?! ♥

omggg i'm in the mood for some macaroons againnn!
but instead of chocolate or vanilla or pistachio..
i want a BLUEEEE ONEEE pleaseeee! ^^

a bleeding heart for valentines(;

oh yeahh! i forgot to show you..
selfridges sent mum a letter about this year's valentines and
lily vanilli made cakes for valentines day that look like bleeding hearts!
kinda seems more halloween than valentines really..
i think i'd feel more sick than wanting to eat it hahaha

NO TIMEEEEE!

you've got to take the good with the bad,
smile with the sad, love what you've got,
and remember what you had.
always forgive but never forget,
learn from mistakes, but never regret.
been up since 7; took chantel and joey to school :)
and then did the laundry and post office stuff!
and then bought some cotton pads for this eye bag treatment haha
the guy at the counter was so baffled cos he couldn't calculate ==
i was like "57p + 57p = £1.14" and he has to process it lols

now i reeeally have to start revising!
so much to do and so little timeee!
and dad keeps giving me a million things to do =3=
like yesterday, he spent ages deciding on a phone he wanted
and he ended up getting a fake iphone.
and now he wants this fake ipad and
i have to get a western union account and all
just to get this one thing he's not even sure about! ><

by the end of this half term, i will have:
- completed my maths/psy/eco revision
- done at least one paper from each subject (lol!)
- decided on my firm&back up uni choice!
- painted/decorated my room
- enough money for my resits in march
- LOST WEIGHT!

i think the third and the last one is probably too ambitious haha
cos i'm so indecisive and i always procrastinate
and i end up eating loads and loadssss! T______T

i don't know how my mum does it♥

the only reason i would kick you out of bed,
would be to fxck you on the floor
i figured that uploading all my photos would take foreverrrr!
cos they're 10 megapixels - which doesn't sound much, but it is
when we're talking about my ancient laptop here hahaha >3<

left school at 11:45 today cos i didn't have a letter for a later time lol
and then waited for karman and we decided to take the early train!
so we got back an hour before the time we had planned outttt (;

thetford stinks like poo! >3<

picked up joey from school
and she had like a billion presents haha
cos she'd celebrated her birthday dinner at school today! ^^
she's opened all of them already lols! silly babyyy

just finished work nowwwww
and although it was hardly busy,
i'm actually really tired lols!
i went to sleep early yesterday, at like 9:30pm?
after sewing extra pockets for tim's jeanssss :)
hahah considering i've been promising him for agess!

gotta wake up early tomorrow to make breakky,
and their lunches, and then take joey to school,
and then go to the laundrette, and whilst it's being done,
go to the bank and the post office,
grab the stuff at the laundrette, and go home to do..
HARDCORE REVISION BABYYYY! (;

i don't have much time lefttt!
technically it's 10 days of the half term,
starting from today, and minus joey's birthday
and the day we're in london..
i only have about 7 or 8 days! eeeek! >3<
GOW MENG AHHHH!!

nightt nighttttt!
heheheheeeee awwww! ^^