"best friends"? so childish..

i hate thinking that i don't actually have a best friend.

i don't actually have a best friend who i tell everything to.

i have a boyfriend who is my best friend too,

but i don't have that girl who is basically my other half

because you'd stay up every night on the phone

talking about things endlessly.

i don't have that best friend where someone can go,

"hey, you know wai man and so-and-so?"

and they'll be like "yeah those two are inseparable."

i've had so many friends in my life.

and there have been times when there was

that inseparable best friend thing going on.

but eventually, we'd grow apart.

and most of the time, the reason for why we grew apart

is because of something that i have done.

and actually.. i've come to realise, that

people do and will judge you.

even if they say they won't. even your best friend.

rachel?

we've known each other since we were babies.

we were close throughout secondary,

and you accepted that there have been times,

when i have rebelled and caused my mum grief.

and there have been times when i have ended up

with the wrong crowd, but you came along, hypocrite.

and all i had to do.. was tell you about what happened

last summer and that was enough to stop our

so-called friendship.

monika?

you were always closest to me since year 7.

and you stood by me, even when i was a moody bxtch.

but you understood me.

and all i had to do, was make a mistake in school,

that would cause everyone in school to shun me,

and you were out of the picture.

soeng ha?

why do you always have to let people take over your life?

why can't you make your own decisions for your own life?!

you really make me angry sometimes,

but i can't stay angry at you for long.

yet you can still hold grudges - even till now.

people make mistakes, things happen,

and they might not be things that i want to happen.

but at least i made my own choices,

and i chose to make my own mistakes.

jintana?

we were best friends in secondary,

but you're just so overpowering.

if we're best friends, i can have other friends too.

and why are you so manipulative?

how are you able, to basically hurt your brother

to the point where he can no longer stand up?

how can you watch yourself do that to him..

and, how are you able to push the blame onto someone else.

i don't know about you, but i had enough,

don't you think it's about time you did too?

kate?

you always get influenced by someone else, so easily.

i used to tell you everything, like actually,

everything.

but clearly that was a little too much info

for you to handle by yourself,

so we might as well let everyone else know right?

shut up.

you are in no place to tell me,

that the things i have done are unforgiveable.

rania?

ever since primary school,

you have always been disliked by everyone.

but because i thought i was your best friend,

i tried to keep it from you because i didn't want you hurt.

it's because you're so controlling.

let people have a say,

let people have an opinion.

ffs.

tasnia.

tasnia, i've known you since secondary,

and i tell you a lot and you have never judged me.

i think.. out of everyone in school,

i don't care if they don't talk to me anymore,

as long as we're still friends.

but there are always some things,

that i am too afraid to tell you..

roaa.

i met you this year, and you're amazing.

we talk, and we understand each other.

we cry, and we're there for each other.

we laugh, and we're there to see it happen.

but there are still times, when i know

you are doubting me secretly.

when everything happened at school,

even you were fixed on not speaking to me.

and you have to be convinced by ally.

i'm happy you understood in the end,

but there's always going to be that memory.

i'm just so angry at everyone right now.

and what i hate, is that the person i should be angry at,

is none other than myself.

why do i make the wrong choices all the time?!

i hate that i have done so many things in the past,

that actually, i might be starting to regret.

friends have come and go,

and the ones that have stayed, thank you.

but i feel like, all i have to do,

is make the wrong choice, or

follow the wrong person,

and we're over sooner or later.

at least i have you in my life.

please please please don't ever leave.

♥