you're in this alone.

by avoiding the situation,

and keeping everything to myself,

i know that eventually i'll break down.

but a part of me is thinking,

i'm stronger than this.

if i could do it before, i can do it again.

because this is nothing to do with anyone,

and everything to do with myself.

i hate to think that he's broken me

to the point i can't pick myself back up again.

i thought everything would be okay now,

because i have you.

and as everything started picking up again,

everything came crashing back down even faster.

and even you can't do anything,

but shield me from things i don't want to hear.

i feel so weak, so fxcking useless.

and as much as people say, "everything will be okay"

and "i'm sure whatever it is, it's not your fault."

but it was! you don't fxcking understand.
no one does.
and i know you all care and want me to open up,

but why tell you if you can't help?

and you can say we're friends,

but half of you lot will walk out on me.

and every single one of you will judge me.

most of you already have.

and i do care.

i can't throw away years of friendship like you can.

it's always been like that.

none of you have been there when i needed you.

none of you would back me up if i got into shxt.

so now i know, if you have shxt, you deal with it alone.

but whenever you guys needed someone,

why the fxck was i always so willing to help,

only to have you all stab me in the fxcking back?

thanks for nothing -

thanks for breaking me.

you all did,

even if you didn't realise it.