i wanna say i don't care anymore, but i do

when you told me to draw you - i drew nothing.

as when you have nothing, you have everything.

and you mean everything to me.

why is it, that little things you say,

can hurt me a hundred times more

than if said by any other person in this world?

why is it, that you can bring me to tears

easier and faster than anything or anyone?

six months ago, i wouldn't have remembered the last time i cried -

possibly year four? when i tripped over a skipping rope and scraped my knee?

now, the littlest things you say can hurt me more deeply than anticipated

and the number of times you have brought me to tears, is continuous.

you always say that i make you feel like you have to choose

between your friends and me, your girlfriend fiancee.

but you make me feel like you can't give me 5 minutes of your day.

like, if i ring you one too many times, i'm even more clingy than i already am.

and if i text you non-stop, i have too much to say to you.

so when i talk to other people with the things i want to say,

what right do you have to be angry when you don't ever have time?

and when i cheer up after speaking to people,

what right do you have to be annoyed when you brought me to tears?

when we first started dating, this was a problem.

you never had time to talk or text or msn or anything.

and you'd say, you have a social life, and so do i.

so i'm not even included in your social life?

i'm just on the side of your social life, so when you have time,

you'll call. and if you never do, then you never will call.

i called because i wanted to talk about so many things.
i wanted to tell you about my day and how ill i felt.

i called because i just wanted to hear your voice,

please tell me why that is so fxcking wrong.

and actually, i don't intentionally make you feel like

you have to choose between your friends and me,

but if i do, then i don't see why i'm in the wrong.

because you do make me feel like i have to question

whether or not i actually mean something to you.

you never seem to have time for me,

unless i'm actually physically in front of you.

and even when i am, your friends will eventually come into the picture.

when was the last time your day consisted only of us?

on tuesday, you woke up to meet sean,

i don't remember the last time you woke up to meet me.

i always have to come and meet you.

you went and met kit and helped him move stuff,

and it never occured to you, that picking me up from school,

would've made my whole fxcking week?

and it's less effort than moving house.

remember when you didn't meet me until 10pm?

remember why? because sean and shiok were arguing.

remember all those times you'd just text me once a day?

because you were at uni and you have a social life.

all the times you've hurt me here, are all because of your friends.

so if i was to be even more of a bxtch than i am now,

and made you choose between your friends and me,

even if you say, you'd choose me;

that would be the biggest regret of your life.

and you know it.

you will never realise how much something or
someone means to you, until you lose it.
and you will never realise how much you need them,
until you come to terms with the fact that
you're not getting them back.