do angels exist?

it's about taking the risk and
praying to god you did the right thing.
when my friends are not their usual shine,
it makes me feel down because i can't do anything.
so when i don't look my usual self,
do they feel the same too?
i find that the people i expected to care about me, don't.
and the people who i never knew was there, would.

every tuesday when i watch gossip girl,
i ask myself, "are you more blair or serena?"
blair is manipulative and controlling,
and serena is wild and approachable.
the more i think about it, the more i realise,
i was serena.
and i wish i could stay that way.
but i feel like the "blair side" takes over.

melissa nathan books are so good!

i met a childhood friend last week,
and our friendship is already deteriorating.
how tragic.
she hasn't changed one bit, and neither have i.
it's when i am around her, that i can't be myself.
and she will always be obvlivious to everything she does,
that will eventually piss everyone off and she'll sit there,
wondering "what have i done wrong?"
- every. single. fxcking. time.

yesterday, tasnia said "you've definitely become desperate."
i'm so glad that people like her actually tell me the truth,
rather than just following along with everything i say.
and oh my fxcking god, i think i actually have.
what is wrong with me?
get a grip, wml.

i cant wait till christmas!
only 37 days to go! woo!
but mum and dad are completely broke
after buying our flight tickets for next summer.
looks like that new phone is going to have to wait then.
but it's okay because thats a christnas presenr in itself :)

korean songs are the one.

i want to get better at badminton.
i hate not being at the top and in charge, argh.
but motivation is good.
from today, i need to train more.
there are better opponents out there after all.

did you know a third of the time you think you're hungry,
it's actually because you're thirsty? crazy man.
just like my obssession with eating at the moment.

i'm glad that even though i can't be friends with you,
the people around you don't feel pressured and stay friends with me.
i hate people who, just because your friend isn't friends with them,
you're not friends with them either.
you have your own brain and mind, think for yourself.

decided to make amends with rachel..
i guess i really didn't hear her out,
but she is after all, my friend of sixteen years,
and after everything, i was the blair in our friendship.
time to wave a white flag.

my friendships are picking up again.
which is good right?
it feels like a burden strangely enough.

i'm so tired.
i haven't slept properly in ages.
procrastinating wastes too much valuable time.
and then i stay up until ages finishing off work.
or, i do start the work in the afternoon,
and don't end up finishing until ages cause it's so much.

bring me an angel please.