tam; wb to my fxcked up life.

i love you rachel tam.

♥
i'm sorry i was such a bxtchandahalf to you.
i'm sorry i wasn't there when you needed me.
i'm sorry for bruising our friendship like that.

when we started talking again,

my heart just spilled everything to you.

i missed you so much.

and when you asked "why didn't you tell me?"

i just burst into tears, because i didn't know how to.

i felt i couldn't and i didn't want you to judge me.

i've known you for sixteen years,

and we have been so close these past few years,

i didn't want you to think that we were growing apart.

i hated thinking that i didn't have you in my life.

you're my sister, my other half, my best friend.

without you, i'm nowhere near sober enough to think for myself.

then you told me about everything that had happened to you
and it was my turn to ask "why didn't you tell me?"

and you too, felt you couldn't. i'm so sorry.

so much has happened, and i wish you were there,

hugging me throughout everything and anything that happened.

at times when i feel like i no longer have any friends,

you will always be there to assure me you're always there.

at times when i think i'm about to break down,

you will always be there to let me know you'll superglue the pieces.

at times when i feel like i can't do anything right,

you will always be there to show me that everyone is wrong.

i can't not have you in my life,

because i do need you.

♥