unwanted.

she will let you undress her

because just for a few minutes,
she needs to feel wanted.

it just occured to me how lucky i actually am.

apart from having never won a pound in scratch cards and raffles,

i have had the most amazing friends anyone could have,

my family loves me regardless of the countless times

where i have drove my parents up the wall

and my sisters have drove me insane,

at the end of the day, they're in the home that i adore.

i have always had the top grades in the year,

but i was never greatful because i never realised,

that in order to achieve high,

you actually have to work for it.

i had a loving a boyfriend who put me first for a while,

and i experienced the rollercoaster love.

i've always been wealthy and got everything i wanted,

but there are children out there starving on the streets.

it made me realise how thankful i should be,

and i am :D

looking back, of course there are a lot of regrets.

there are many many bad things i have done.

but you only live once and you never know until you try.

when i was in year eight,

my parents and my sisters moved to norfolk

and i lived with my grandma for a while,

but then she moved out to an elderly estate.

and then i was really was alone.

i never went anywhere in the house

apart from my bedroom and the kitchen.

my living room was empty with only my piano,

leaning against the wall, untouched.

the room next door was my parents room,

and the room next to that was my grandma's,

something about the two rooms gave an eery atmosphere

so i never went in.

and i never realised how scared i was.

i'd come home from school, drop off my bags,

get changed and go back out, i hated being home alone.

sometimes i'd even wander on streets and around troc

until late night because it didn't feel as lonely as it did at home.

i'd come back as late as 3am and go on msn and watch dramas,

then i'd have to sleep and wake up in a few hours for school.

no one knew apart from my friends outside school,

because i turned up at school everyday, and did my work.

my mum and dad never came down to visit,

they never came to parents evening since,

and i hardly watched my baby sister grow.

and i hardly went up to norfolk apart from christmas,

where things were so awkward because

my parents never knew what i wanted,

so mum would just buy me a louis vuitton bag,

and dad bought me chocolates.

lady godiva was my only friend.

my aunt lived down the road but she never came knocking.

and flicking through the photos on my laptop now,

the photos i took of myself in my bedroom as a twelve year old.

i looked so lonely.

what a lonely child.